I have returned...

I've been going through ect. I'm almost done with unilateral ECT, and I haven't really improved any so far. I'm really depressed, but the way my brain behaved has all the doctors I've talked to convinced that bilateral ECT would be good and that it wouldn't do too much harm to my memory.(my regular psychiatrist thought I'd need bilateral all along because apparently my head is particularly large) I guess I'll see... for the time being I'm about to be put on parnate....I'm almost hoping it doesn't work. I likey cheese ......I don't know what to do with myself right now. I don't want a job, but I want to be able to buy things. I'm scared of being around people. I know they're watching me and mocking me. I can't stay interested with anything too long without suddenly becoming obsessed with something else. I spent several hundred dollars in my stuff to get my hydroponics projects going, but now I'm all obsessed with this damn aquarium. I finally ran out of money, so I can hardly afford to take care of it. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck that's how I feel........damn....can't believe I'll be on an MAOI. Somebody better bring me some god damn DMT if I'm gonna have to be put on this shit....I guess if it works I can get down on some pharmahuasca....that would be cool...well...especially if it works and I get over this depression...I won't have a bad trip.....

Replies

RhyRhy
RhyRhy

Glad to see you back on DS I always find your posts interesting and I can relate to what you are saying.