I HAVE NO IDEA WHY?

Although I cant give you guys any serious details of my personal life and I cannot sleep SO....I am going to use the time to VENT. Right now I am trying to roll with the punches of the shit that life has handed me. This past YEAR has been a roller coaster and hate to complain, because I KNOW there are soooo soooo many people who have it worse than I do. BUT I cannot help it at this point. Like sometimes I lay in bed and wonder - what have I done that has been so wrong that I have to deal with the shit that I do. I try to be a good honest person. I have not always been the BEST in my past, but I did not know any better and I have worked hard over the years to rebuild that relationship( with my mother) and have been successful. Presently, I have no idea what is going on though!!!! The only thing that has been going great has been my shopping addiction (something I CAN control). That is so small though compared to everything else. I have lost so much this past year!! It's a new year, I TRULY want it to be better than all the rest. I know you cannot redo the past, its gone and OVER, you can only look to and work on your FUTURE & IM TRYING. *grinds teeth* -Alright pity party over-
All I really know is....I better be going through the shit that I have for a damn good reason or I do not know what is going to happen to me....I am going to consider just saying -fuck it- and when I do that I KNOW IT WONT BE PRETTY for myself or others. WHEW. Im TRYING to hold on to whatever GOOD piece of me who has beliefs in a BIGGER picture that's left.....GOODNIGHT.