I have no idea what I shall write about today

Good morning journal,the time is 5:03am,I was awakened by our canine children because they needed to go outside.This morning,it is cold,and there is a crispness in the air that enables a man to see every breath he takes,visible to the naked eye as wisps of smoke like vapor every time an outward breath is taken.As I stood outside,minus my hearing aids,the night was a place of silence as my dogs shuffled around with a purpose known only to themselves,nuzzling bushes and sniffing scents only they could smell.I like this time of the morning,when I am alert and fully awake,while the world around me apparently slumbers on.Having satisfied themselves,our dogs then made their way back to our bedroom,where they climbed on the bed and settled in a protective clump of warm fur around my sleeping wife,an unnecessary,but to them completely natural,guardianship of the woman they adore.As getting back into bed was now a virtual impossibility without waking my wife,I decided to make some coffee and come here to my journal and write a little.This morning is one of those times when I have no idea what I am going to put into words,so I have decided just to type and see what appears on the page.Sometimes,when I engage myself in an exercise such as this,then read it through,I unearth some revelation or other that I was not expecting,other times,it is complete and utter drivel,but it is fun nevertheless,so let's see what this morning will reveal,if anything.After my recent visit to the emergency room,I was left pondering my own mortality,the bible promises a man three score and ten years,it doesn't say that you will always reach that pinnacle,nor attain the wisdom that you would think should go side by side with seventy years of life;but,if my Creator has decided that I am deserving of my allotted time span,that means I have twelve years left. It does not seem a great deal of time,and the days as a man gets older,seem to pass by in an instant,yet we do not hurry,if anything,we slow down,and in my case,sometimes grind to a full stop!. You would think that as the sand in the hourglass of life slowly drains away,grain by grain,we would hurry to cram so much more into the time left to us,but instead,we amble along as if we had all the time in the world.When I was a boy,there never seemed to be enough hours in a day to do all the things that I wanted to do,but now,sometimes the days seem too long at times,leaving us with too much time to fill,and nothing to fill it with.If we are unfortunate enough to become ill in the autumn of our years,the days seem longer still,rendering us incapable of participating in the simple things we used to find pleasurable,hobbies and pastimes,social gatherings,even the way we used to earn a living,can become wearisome and an effort that is beyond us.We begin to feel useless and a burden to our loved ones,feeling somehow that we are preventing them from living their lives to the full,because of our need to be cared for,while they in turn feel obligated to administer that care.To my way of thinking,that isn't right,there should be a cut off point,when life becomes too much of an effort,a person should have the right to say,"I've had enough",and allowed to die with dignity with their loved ones by their bedside.That would let the person slip away quietly,and allow their loved ones to get back to the business of living their lives before it is too late;I've lived my life and had some wonderful times,but I remember my mother,who lost all dignity,as well as her mind,before God took pity on her and ended her misery,if she had been given the choice to go earlier,I think I know what path she would have taken.It is within my own lifetime,that I have seen the law change in this country that decriminalized suicide,I always thought it was a stupid law,if a person decided to commit suicide and failed,they were charged with a crime,but if they were successful,all the laws in the world could not make them stand up in court to answer for it.Do the authorities then charge the suicide victim's family with being accessories after the fact?,of course not!,they cannot be held responsible for their loved one's choice of departure from life,so why charge anyone with anything?,I firmly believe that everyone of us should have the option to say,"let me go now,and know that I am no longer in pain". On the days when my pain level is tolerable,when I can breathe semi comfortably,then of course I am glad to be alive,but if and when I get to a stage where my days are constantly filled with pain and hopelessness,with no respite,and no hope of my health improving,then I would welcome the choice of being able to tell my family that it's time to pull the plug.Well journal,we got very deep this morning,I think I'll leave it there for now,time for another coffee,until tomorrow then,peace and easy breathing go with us.