I have missed half of my life...
As I was boarding on a bus, I run across a group of youngsters. . I can clearly remember their facial expressions .They were happy, really happy. Suddenly....everything has came back into my memory..I got jealous.(sigh!)
Being envious on mundane matters others have was out of my wildest thought probably because I perceived that happiness doesn't largely depends on money, luxury cars , great houses and other privileges this world could offer…it's about friendship that is what I'm after. One can't buy a good companion- that’s for sure..
"I also got some kind of companion," I said to myself though at that very moment I'm not sure of what good did it provide or impart to me.. My attention was diverted as I found myself counting the years with which I have shared my wasted time with my other self -- that girl with HH. I've been with her for almost 10 years, although it's just a short time as compared to others (with the same condition), maybe it's fair to admit that I spent half my life miserably with her. It all started when I was in grade school, but at that time it was somehow tolerable or I mean I didn't actually mind it that much maybe because I never knew that there was something really stunning that was waiting ahead of meat that time. It was only on high school that everything went wrong .
I messed up. Everyday. They say it was on that stage wherein teenagers start to develop /discover changes both on physical and emotional aspect of their lives. It applied to me as well but not on the way that I wanted or expected .Instead of making friends with my new classmates, what I met was a group of students who knew nothing but to make fun of me. I was bullied because of my condition. I was different. They're all the same. I isolated myself from them until I felt I was so alone . Whenever I came across on an old adage that says, "no man is an island," I told myself not for me I guess .I became timid. I never had a social life. I knew that I'm existing but not living. I was so pre-occupied with fears, with others' opinion about me that I missed to look back on those few people who tried to reach out for me.
I never told anyone about my anguish except for my loving mother. Though she filled my heart with words of encouragement ;words intended to give me strength, I felt I was still empty inside.
(Gee... for now this is what I can share as part of my experience…It's my first time to express out what's inside of me. My first step towards improvement.Hopefully )
Being envious on mundane matters others have was out of my wildest thought probably because I perceived that happiness doesn't largely depends on money, luxury cars , great houses and other privileges this world could offer…it's about friendship that is what I'm after. One can't buy a good companion- that’s for sure..
"I also got some kind of companion," I said to myself though at that very moment I'm not sure of what good did it provide or impart to me.. My attention was diverted as I found myself counting the years with which I have shared my wasted time with my other self -- that girl with HH. I've been with her for almost 10 years, although it's just a short time as compared to others (with the same condition), maybe it's fair to admit that I spent half my life miserably with her. It all started when I was in grade school, but at that time it was somehow tolerable or I mean I didn't actually mind it that much maybe because I never knew that there was something really stunning that was waiting ahead of meat that time. It was only on high school that everything went wrong .
I messed up. Everyday. They say it was on that stage wherein teenagers start to develop /discover changes both on physical and emotional aspect of their lives. It applied to me as well but not on the way that I wanted or expected .Instead of making friends with my new classmates, what I met was a group of students who knew nothing but to make fun of me. I was bullied because of my condition. I was different. They're all the same. I isolated myself from them until I felt I was so alone . Whenever I came across on an old adage that says, "no man is an island," I told myself not for me I guess .I became timid. I never had a social life. I knew that I'm existing but not living. I was so pre-occupied with fears, with others' opinion about me that I missed to look back on those few people who tried to reach out for me.
I never told anyone about my anguish except for my loving mother. Though she filled my heart with words of encouragement ;words intended to give me strength, I felt I was still empty inside.
(Gee... for now this is what I can share as part of my experience…It's my first time to express out what's inside of me. My first step towards improvement.Hopefully )
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