I have great kids

Yes my boys argue and fight.  Yes they say things that they shouldn't from time to time.
But they both love each other.  They love me.  And they loved our life.  Our lives are changed now and it is out of our control.  I am to blame as well but not to the degree my ex wife was.
She chose to lie, manipulate, and cheat.  That is on her.
My kids are amazing in every way.  I love them more than my own life and would do anything for them.  That included working on my marriage and trying to keep my family intact. 
You cant fix your marriage if you seeing another man at the same time.  You cant fix our problems if lying is one of your major faults.
During my entire marriage I was the builder and my wife was the destroyer.   When I would build something up she would do or say something that would tear it down.  The end of my marriage is the final exclamation point to prove that fact.
My sons are confused and hurt right now.  She thinks more lies and hiding what she has done will fix that.  She could not be more wrong. 
I truly hope that she finds her way again and asks the boys for forgiveness.  She will continue to destroy their lives until she stops blaming me and takes some responsibilities for her actions.