i have got the holiday blues

I have got the holiday blues and they sure are awful.This awful feeling just wont go away and my medication isnt helping.I passed out from the medication and blacked out on my bed.When I awoke,my head was spinning and i threw up everything.I have never fainted in my life and this concerns me.why now? Why is all this pain happening? Cant it go away? Brad left me with limited funds and I have just enough until May or June.After Christmas,I will be looking for a job and it is hard in seattle because you are an older worker and there is resentment here.And I mean resentment.The younger people cant seem to understand it is not the older generations fault.We are in this mess because of George Bush and that war.That war is costing us thousands and in the meantime people like me are suffering.When we had the Vietnam War...people are a lot better off.I was working and so was everyone in the house and we all were working.I am getting sick and tired of hearing about us Baby Boomers.Everyone assumes that I took drugs and protested and travelled.Everyone assumes this about me and it aint true.I never protested in my life and i was very much against the war.A lot of time I spent was buying records and listening to my music on saturday night.I used to listen to Cousin Brucie and the WMCA good guys.I had the most marvellous music back then and I dont regret or take pity at the time I grew up.Things were different then.Things are different now.I have never married and i dont have children and this decision was made in 1965.I was 17 when I made this decision and it was a good one.Just because a child is a girl dont assume that she wants to be a mother.Not everyone is inclinded to be a mother and what we have now is what I call bad parenting.There is just too much emphasis by society on couples to have kids.The couples that I know who have children...well they do have problems that I dont want at all.In the business world...if you are married...you are like an American Idol..but if you are not..you are considered immature and unstable...well excuse me...how many wives lately have you read who are going to jail because they hired someone to kill their husbands? And how many men do you read kill their wives after the baby is born? In 1976,the late Ann Landers asked her readers.....this question...if you had your life to live off...would you have children? In an amazing response from the readers.....250,000 people told ann landers that they regret the day that they had children and that their children are nothing but a burden and some of them cant stand them.Naturally,the new wave right had to say something.like this is the just the self indugent people of the 1960s...well excuse me...I am not married and what is wrong in being self indugent? I do xmas work every year and give clothes and money away to charity..but to say I am selfish shows that you are a idiot.I have seen children that are hurried today and they are actually raising mother and dad and this is something i did not have to do.men change and they change for the worst.When they retire....look out.All they want to do is to stay home and you are screwed with this pathetic man of 60 trying to captivate the youth of a rock star.Losing Brad has made me realize that you have to survive.Survival is the name of the game and because some people have been mean to me...they are not getting any xmas presents nor cards...as far as I am concerned....they dont not exist and I refuse to get involved with them noomore.let me mourn.let me cry..but please leave me alone.