I have been very ill and miracoulsy healed

We have not any contact with our adult son who married someone who only wants her family and he has much to blame us for in the past and present.  These things he has brought up are kept in a folder, as he put it.  Pretty sad, as most are not at all what happened.  We lost our oldest daughter Jan. 2, 2014 to a sudden stroke.  Perhaps this was a suicide, which hurts me terribly.  Our oldest son was murdered Feb. 13, 1993 and this broke the family up, rather than bringing us together.  We lost our three lovely grand daughters along with this younger son and his wife.  He knows that I have wanted to die, but ignores.  He ignored us at the funeral for our oldest daughter Jan. 2014.  The hurt of this was unbearable.  We spent this past Christmas in total pain and tried to take a trip, which didn’t work at all.  It is hard to find a group to be within, but would consider beginning one, where those can come together and share.  I can’t even get involved with a therapist, as they are always booked up.  My friends have either passed away or live at a distance.  I have chronic pain to deal with as well.  My husband is such a Godsend, but I feel alone even in a crowd.  I am trying anti-depressants, but even the Dr. is hard to stay in touch with.  Please let me know of any information I may get to help ourselves through time time of trial.  We do have a younger daughter, but she is off and on with her love and relationship.  Really thought we were good parents, but this is an epidemic. 
 
I am grateful to be back within this community. God Bless All Of You, Deb