i have been reborn and I feel so much better

I have been reborn and I feel so much better.I realize now that certain people used me and they did not love me.It is hard to accept.I gave that guy my all.I was always there for him and what does he do? He wound up abusing me and nearly killing me.He wound up dead and died on the ground of the back yard and I was the one who found his body because on that day my cats were hysterical.I will never forget it.I just cant and it hurts me to this day.SOme days are a bit more easer and the pressure is off.But the pressure of someone committing suicide and you wonder the reasons why and you what you have done to deserve it and you wonder it for ther rest of your life.I will never forget Brad and i will never forget the way that he died.I just cant so kick me in the head and tell me to move on.I cant.I am trying.And noone knows that I am in a great deal of pain because of this and noone knows not even Dr.Phil can stop it.I have tried.