I hate you today
I hate you so much today.
I hate it that I feel such strong feelings toward you after all this time.
I hate it that you haven't called or texted or in anyway checked in with you daughter in almost three weeks.
I hate it that you chose drugs and alchol over us.
I hate it that you are so cold and unfeeling.
I hate it that even a simple question about taxes can send me reeling hearing your voice or seeing your text.
I hate it that I still care so much.
I hate it that I just want to text you every single thought that pops into my head.
I hate it that I hate you so much and you don't seem to care at all.
I hate you.
I hate your whispered abuse that I put up with for so long before I left. Where there was once sweet lovely thoughts in the night, they became so hurtful and abusive that I can still hear them in my head.
I hate that when I think of you my body fills up with anxiety and dread and hurt.
I hate that you are the father of my children.
I hate that I chose you.
I hate that you let me down.
I hate that I trusted you.
I hate that I put all my eggs in one basket. Then you took that basket, shook it, broke all the eggs and threw them around the yard.
I hate that you RUINED my family. You took my most loved and treasured people and treated us all so freaking badly and we had to totally regroup and RESTRUCTURE OUR FAMILY.
I hate that you threatened to throw away all my belongings.
I hate that you won't pay for a single thing for these kids even though the degree spells out that you MUST pay for 50% of their tuition.
I hate that you have such a simple time with NC from me yet I struggle with it so much.
I hate that I have to see a therapist and you seem to glide through life.
I hate that you used a picture that I took of you for your lame match.com profile.
I hate that I wonder if you have met someone else. I hate that I care.
I hate that when I visited you last I saw your wedding ring tossed in a bin in the bathroom counter like it was a q-tip.
I hate that when I decide to initiate NC, you don't even notice.
I hate your skin that reeks of alcohol all the time.
I hate you so much today. I hate you for ruining my life. I just hate you.
I hate it that I feel such strong feelings toward you after all this time.
I hate it that you haven't called or texted or in anyway checked in with you daughter in almost three weeks.
I hate it that you chose drugs and alchol over us.
I hate it that you are so cold and unfeeling.
I hate it that even a simple question about taxes can send me reeling hearing your voice or seeing your text.
I hate it that I still care so much.
I hate it that I just want to text you every single thought that pops into my head.
I hate it that I hate you so much and you don't seem to care at all.
I hate you.
I hate your whispered abuse that I put up with for so long before I left. Where there was once sweet lovely thoughts in the night, they became so hurtful and abusive that I can still hear them in my head.
I hate that when I think of you my body fills up with anxiety and dread and hurt.
I hate that you are the father of my children.
I hate that I chose you.
I hate that you let me down.
I hate that I trusted you.
I hate that I put all my eggs in one basket. Then you took that basket, shook it, broke all the eggs and threw them around the yard.
I hate that you RUINED my family. You took my most loved and treasured people and treated us all so freaking badly and we had to totally regroup and RESTRUCTURE OUR FAMILY.
I hate that you threatened to throw away all my belongings.
I hate that you won't pay for a single thing for these kids even though the degree spells out that you MUST pay for 50% of their tuition.
I hate that you have such a simple time with NC from me yet I struggle with it so much.
I hate that I have to see a therapist and you seem to glide through life.
I hate that you used a picture that I took of you for your lame match.com profile.
I hate that I wonder if you have met someone else. I hate that I care.
I hate that when I visited you last I saw your wedding ring tossed in a bin in the bathroom counter like it was a q-tip.
I hate that when I decide to initiate NC, you don't even notice.
I hate your skin that reeks of alcohol all the time.
I hate you so much today. I hate you for ruining my life. I just hate you.
Replies
I so understand this. So many of your \"hates\" are mine too.
wow, this was a really powerful journal. I can relate to a lot of your hates too and I can feel your pain and heartache, I teared up reading this. It brings back so many sad memories for me. Sending you hugs! Hang in there................I promise things will get better, I know you don\'t want to hear it but just know that you will survive all of this in time!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you both. And I DO want to hear it. I want to survive this and get better. xo