I hate when this happens!

I woke up in a good mood. I was optimistic. Was being the key word. I drove to school, did my regular morning routine. And then during our regular adiscussion about the weekly assigned readings, my teacher brought up Chronic Pain and asked the class what they thought that meant. It's a small class - maybe 20 people, so the teachers get to know their students. Some girl, not the brightest lightbulb on the shelf, said something along the lines of "yeah! Doesn't that mean its constant? Like, it like never stops?!" He responded with what his idea of Chronic Pain was, educating this girl on what chronic pain means. And though everything in me wanted to share what I know about it, I could literally feel the tears coming. And though I made no scene whatsoever, it took all I had to clinch my teeth and hold it in when the only thing that ran through my head was that I should rush out the door and get away from that conversation. My teacher kept looking at me during this conversation that lasted maybe 15 minutes, but felt like an hour. This is most likely due to the paper I wrote last week about the stages of life and how my chronic pain has affected my adolescent years and now my young adult years. He looked at me so sure that I would say something - give my two cents. But I was speechless, literally. I don't know why this mornings conversation was so hard to be involved in. But it was. And I'm almost positive my teacher who is a therapist and has his doctorates, knew how much it affected me. I don't think I said one word in the 3 hours I sat there. Just when I feel so strong about this, something makes me realize just how much this affects me. And for the first time in a long time, I couldn't handle talking about it. This event made me second guess handling this on my own, and the thought of talking to someone one on one, became appealing. I'm almost in tears just writing this and that's how I know its going to take time to heal - emotionally. It's been a traumatic time in my life and I need to talk to someone about it. When he was talking about how people with chronic pain is so horrible and how pain avoidance is on the top 3 things as a motivating factor. That right there is my reasoning for going to school. I've used it as pain avoidance as my motivating factor. And he summed up my reasoning for pushing myself the way I do and the way I've been doing it for years. Pain Avoidance. The average person reacts a certain way when a bear enters your area, someone with chronic pain has the bear in sight all the time. I don't want to be sad about this, I don't. But it hit me. I wish it didn't. Come on Kenna...