I Hate The Dreams
It's on 3:42 a.m. here, but this happens so much. I wake up and I dreaming that Ken is gone having to tell some. It's funny cause it is never Ken's name that I use. It is like a initial or something. I remember this morning it was 2 initials one was a "J" but I can't remember the other one. But I tried to lay back down and the tears are rolling.
I know the dream is about him, just trying to still let people know. And maybe my mind trying to get me to know, I don' t know. I haven't cried for a while now, it's like the angry feelings have been there, toward everyone, not Kenny just everyone about something.
Dreams can hurt so bad. I can't believe it that I can't go and see Kenny face to face.
I know i was think about him last night before I wnt to bed. This is the same night that I stayed up all night with Zoey watching her making sure she was breathinng.
One thing I wish they had done for Kenny was taken the vent out. He could never really say anything to us after the Sunday he went into the hospital. I know he had to hate that thing, I know I would. I miss my son so much. The pain is so intense.
I know that Ken has died, but I don't want to believe it. I just don't understand why. I know you will reply and say there is no aswers to why, but I will still keep on wondering why. He was a minister, devoted to God. He gave himself to others even in his deepest pain. He would continue to work no matter the pain. And even after he lost his speech and weak and in pain, he would do to those stupid board meetings cause it was his responsibility.
Why or why God did Kenny have to go. I know I will never understand...I guess because we are not suppose to know.
Don't think I am saying that Kenny should have lived and other's is okay that they died. NO that is not what I am saying. I am just saying, it hurts so much as each of you know.
I cried a lot early this morning, then Abby came and I went back to bed and she kissed my tears. She snuggled up to me as close as she could be and you just knew she was wanting mommy to have some peace.
I went back to sleep but still did not rest good. Woke up again still so depressed. I guess this is the life that I have been given. To lose your child age don't matter it, just hurts hurts hurts so Bad.
Sandi
I know the dream is about him, just trying to still let people know. And maybe my mind trying to get me to know, I don' t know. I haven't cried for a while now, it's like the angry feelings have been there, toward everyone, not Kenny just everyone about something.
Dreams can hurt so bad. I can't believe it that I can't go and see Kenny face to face.
I know i was think about him last night before I wnt to bed. This is the same night that I stayed up all night with Zoey watching her making sure she was breathinng.
One thing I wish they had done for Kenny was taken the vent out. He could never really say anything to us after the Sunday he went into the hospital. I know he had to hate that thing, I know I would. I miss my son so much. The pain is so intense.
I know that Ken has died, but I don't want to believe it. I just don't understand why. I know you will reply and say there is no aswers to why, but I will still keep on wondering why. He was a minister, devoted to God. He gave himself to others even in his deepest pain. He would continue to work no matter the pain. And even after he lost his speech and weak and in pain, he would do to those stupid board meetings cause it was his responsibility.
Why or why God did Kenny have to go. I know I will never understand...I guess because we are not suppose to know.
Don't think I am saying that Kenny should have lived and other's is okay that they died. NO that is not what I am saying. I am just saying, it hurts so much as each of you know.
I cried a lot early this morning, then Abby came and I went back to bed and she kissed my tears. She snuggled up to me as close as she could be and you just knew she was wanting mommy to have some peace.
I went back to sleep but still did not rest good. Woke up again still so depressed. I guess this is the life that I have been given. To lose your child age don't matter it, just hurts hurts hurts so Bad.
Sandi
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