I hate that I care

I am generally and all around thick skinned individual compared to other people. However, it hurts me that my mom does not support my future as much as she does my younger sister. Maybe she thinks I am a lost cause. I am definitely not the horse you bet on, I guess. It hurts, because I know I have made mistakes in the past, but I have shown that I have made changes. I guess the part that bothers me the most is that support is FREE. She could support me emotionally and it would cost her nothing. I guess as usual I have got to woman up and support myself. It makes me feel alone among people. That is worse than being alone when you are truly alone. I know that when I was drinking heavily, it was because it made my emotions happy, I call it my " fuck it juice". I am going to for sure have some tomorrow.