i hate myself......

i've been restricting for a week......i ususally don't eat for a good 12 hours or so and then i eat......i hate myself.....i have no control over this.....my psychiatrist told me that if it gets worse to think about attending outpatient at the hospital....i don't WANT to go to the hospital....i'm trying to use that as motivation....it kind of worked last night, but then it didn't work....i think i have part of it under control....like i'll eat lunch and i'll eat dinner, but i won't eat my snacks or breakfast....but i have a cereal box opened so i have to at least finish THAT box of cereal......i just hate myself.....if i didn't have these problems i'd be fine....now my OCD is coming through......i hate myself.....i really think i do