I hate myself.
I don't know of what i did wrong.... but i hate myself. I am so hard on myself all the time. it's driving me crazy. Right now I am obsessively hating myself and being hard on myself. I won't give myself a break. I can't. I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do. I feel like driving a car off a cliff, or stabbing myself in the chest, no my stomach because it hurts so bad. I am so lost....... and unfulfilled..... and at war with myself.... and I have no future. what is wrong with me? God gave me many talents... and I'm putting myself down so much that I can't access them anymore... I talked to this guy and I discovered through talking to him that I feel I am unworthy of love and that I feel I deserve to suffer and that I want men to hurt me, physically and emotionally and that I like it... WHAT? What the hell is that?? We got deep into our conversation and I got deep into me. And I hate me. I wish I would just die. I hate me even more for saying that. My therapist wants me to go to art school and is pushing me to do it... I DONT WANT TO GO TO ART SCHOOL !!!!!!! I don't know what I want to do. I want to be whole. I want to be happy. I want to heal. But right now, I am suffering.
Replies
I have gained weight in like 3 days.... I\'m fat now too.
I am sorry you are suffering so much.
thank you for caring, it really helped me a lot.
hmm sounds like me. I feel that way a lot of the time, especially when im close with a guy it becomes amplified and I want to push them away or I act crazy to scare them away. I have no idea what is wrong. Some sort of deep seated fear of intimacy.
maybe you\'re right...
When your at war with yourself you know theres always gonna be one loser... yourself!! Have to learn to accept yourself whatever way u are only thencan u start to build..