i hate my life

my life has always been crazy and unpredictiable to say the least- its been a long time since i wrote a journal entry and i figure nobody is gonna read it anyways since i'm one of the many laughing stokes of ds ..... but here goes anyways- my latest tragedy, for me is the one i've been dealing with since i was 6 years old, to grow up and be loved , it seems to happen for everyone around me- and yet it never happens for me- i will like someone, love someone and they say they feel the same- then i am dumped like trash and used for sex- when is it my turn god? why am i all alone? i am so ready to die- those who will say love is overrated have never not been loved- i long for it, i want it so bad sometimes that it feels like if i had it everything else in my life would fall into place- but i'll never have it- and i am starting to think is it because i'm too ugly or just too unlovable- my most recent ex- just got a 17 year old pregnant- and i tried to move on- so i met a new guy- been seeing him for about a week- things were good or so i thought- then today when he was supposed to be helping a friend move he was instead on the dating website- flirting with other women when we are supposed to have a date tonight- am i being too sensitive or should i feel betrayed by this? i just don't know anymore- he asked me for this date and now its like i'm having to push him into going- i don't even want to go anymore- i just want to stay home eat chocolate and cry........ i wish someone would just want to be with me- i'm not a bad person- but this really makes me feel that way..... and i can't stop crying and hating all happy people and couples- i want to die !