I Hate It Here
Not just *here* but here in my head.
I was having an OCD moment where I decided to sift through my contact list. In the process, somewhere I decided to add photos to each of the contacts. As I no longer have Facebook, I just hopped on my son's Facebook to harvest photos I didn't already have, and yup, wouldn't you know it, it just set off a whole chain reaction of triggers.
Nothing has changed from yesterday or from two hours ago, yet now I'm in a foul as heck mood all because I was reminded of the A and everything leading up to it. I was reminded of why we don't go certain places anymore and of certain words that were exchanged. Dammit.
THIS is the main reason I ditched Facebook. H thinks it was to be "fair" since I asked him to get rid of his, but really it was just because every time I saw the freaking Facebook logo I was reminded of their private FB exchanges. Every time I'd have occasion to search for something on FB I'd also do a search for OW to see what skanky whore drunk ass pics she was posting now. It was picking and picking and picking at scabs.
So duh, stay away, right? Just avoid it. Why did I /have/ to have photos and why did I have to go with FB to get them? Right, so yeh, here I am.
I sent a text to H to the effect of, "I wish we could move," and he wrote back to ask what was up. I wrote, "I hate this county." At first he said, "Why? What's happened?" then quickly back peddled. He knows what happened. He knows this is his doing. All the crappy things that have happened here, from car wrecks to vindictive whackos out to ruin me were nothing compared to his A. He knows that's the only reason I hate it here. In his back peddling, he offered to talk about it, but to what end? We've said it all before. Over and over.
The worst part of this is that even though I know that logically nothing has changed, it'll take me a full day to swing back from this mood-wise.
Gah. I need to be smarter about what I do in the future. I KNEW better.
I was having an OCD moment where I decided to sift through my contact list. In the process, somewhere I decided to add photos to each of the contacts. As I no longer have Facebook, I just hopped on my son's Facebook to harvest photos I didn't already have, and yup, wouldn't you know it, it just set off a whole chain reaction of triggers.
Nothing has changed from yesterday or from two hours ago, yet now I'm in a foul as heck mood all because I was reminded of the A and everything leading up to it. I was reminded of why we don't go certain places anymore and of certain words that were exchanged. Dammit.
THIS is the main reason I ditched Facebook. H thinks it was to be "fair" since I asked him to get rid of his, but really it was just because every time I saw the freaking Facebook logo I was reminded of their private FB exchanges. Every time I'd have occasion to search for something on FB I'd also do a search for OW to see what skanky whore drunk ass pics she was posting now. It was picking and picking and picking at scabs.
So duh, stay away, right? Just avoid it. Why did I /have/ to have photos and why did I have to go with FB to get them? Right, so yeh, here I am.
I sent a text to H to the effect of, "I wish we could move," and he wrote back to ask what was up. I wrote, "I hate this county." At first he said, "Why? What's happened?" then quickly back peddled. He knows what happened. He knows this is his doing. All the crappy things that have happened here, from car wrecks to vindictive whackos out to ruin me were nothing compared to his A. He knows that's the only reason I hate it here. In his back peddling, he offered to talk about it, but to what end? We've said it all before. Over and over.
The worst part of this is that even though I know that logically nothing has changed, it'll take me a full day to swing back from this mood-wise.
Gah. I need to be smarter about what I do in the future. I KNEW better.
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