I HATE HIS F'ING GUTS!!!!!

I'm unsure of the last time I posted a journal or posted a topic regrading "HIM". But I know it's been a while and I have been doing good. But right now this very minute I HATE THE F'ING BASTARD!!! I know those are pretty harsh words, but it's how I feel about his ENTIRE BEING! I'm going to have to pray EXTREMELY HARD on this one and I gotta get my butt to church Sunday no matter how tired I am. I was fine at first, but today when I pulled up to the apartment complex, the SLEAZE BAG WHORE downstairs was home and for whatever reason I looked at the tag on the back of her car and you wouldn't believe what it read. It says, "In GOD we trust". LMAO!!! Is this sleaze bag bitch for real!!? In GOD you trust, but you spread your diseased padussy around to any willing negro in reach!!!? Is it wrong for me to harbor such ILL feelings towards her when it TAKES TWO? I place the MAJORITY of the BLAME of the destruction of my family on HIM, but at the same time...I hate the sleazy bitch with a BURNING PASSION. She never says anything to me, but the mere FACT that she walks around like life goes on and as far as I can see LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED or is it NOT HER FAMILY, so the raggedy bitch don't give a flying hoot. I'm angry with him, because ULTIMATELY THIS WILL AFFECT MY DAMN BABY. He is an INNOCENT BABY, who didn't ask to be here. HE begged for him, but he gets 1 day out of the week with this bastard. While the WHORE below, lives with her youngest son's father who gets to wake up to him DAILY, put him in bed at night, you know..BE A F'ING POSITIVE FATHER FIGURE, TAKING A REAL INTEREST IN HOW HIS SON TURNS OUT...even if he's a low down cheating bastard as well. I want to BLOW HIS F'ING BRAINS OUT. I really do! I don't want my damn baby growing up wondering why other kids have a father and he just sees his once a damn week. He will get to an age where this will cross his mind and I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR TO HIM AT ALL!!!! I have read many times that some children think it's THEIR FAULT when parents are NOT together. Look @ PINK. Her song and video, "Family Portrait" is one of the MOST heartbreaking songs I have EVER heard. Can you IMAGINE being a CHILD and THINKING that if it wasn't for you your parents would be together. One part of the song she mentions something about either promising to be good or promising not to spill the milk..WTF!!!! That hurts my heart BEYOND explanation. He use to get him 2 times out the week and then on Saturday. But lately his MOM has had to work, therefore it is now down 2 1 day a week. The other day I sent her a text and asked why he sees him less now and she didn't text back. But the next morning she came over and said HE was complaining to her about not seeing the baby and she told him that she had to work. Hell she spends a-lot of money on the baby..his sorry ass is totally clueless when it comes to RESPONSIBILITY and she ENSURES my son has whatever it is I request. She said he was like MOM, I can go pick him up and keep him, but she refuses to let me come by to do so. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!! Hell no he CAN'T COME HERE TO PICK HIM UP....I'M A WOMAN OF MY DAMN WORD AND I RARELY BITE MY TONGUE. I WOULD BLUDGEON HIS F'ING HEAD TO A PULP IF HE COMES ANYWHERE NEAR ME. I would literally get my tire iron out the trunk of my car and beat his face and head until he is UNRECOGNIZABLE!!!! Therefore since I am aware of the HATE I have for his deceitful, degrading, disrespectful actions and I want to be able to raise my children. I avoid his ass at ALL COST. I don't know IF or WHEN i will ever feel different but at the present....he needs to stay the fudge away from me!!! I mean this son of a bitch really acts as if what he did was NO BIGGIE. As if he simply put an old white shirt in a load of colored clothes and it got ruined. As far as I'm concerned my LIFE, my FEELINGS meant absolutely NOTHING to him. And that fuels my anger. I cried early and it's about to start again now. His mother gave me 2 baby photo albums filled with his pictures when he was a baby and I pulled it out about an hour ago. And while flipping through it I saw about 5 or 6 photos with him and HIS FATHER...HOLDING HIM and FEEDING HIM HIS BOTTLE. Or just standing in the yard with JOY across his face as he threw him in the air. I don't have photos of MY SON with his father. My son being held  or fed. THAT SHIT BURNS me up and I guess the tears are tears of anger. I feel he jipped me and my damn son for a bitch he don't even deal with. So in MY EYE that makes it worse. He SACRIFICED my child, this family for a stranger. He didn't know her, he hadn't built a life with her, he didn't have kids with her...yet she was WORTH losing it all for????????????????????????????????????????????? I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND IT. And as I stated before...HE CANNOT EVER COME TO ME AND SAY HE IS SORRY...NEEEEEEEEEVER!!! if he attempts to...I would probably contact a few friends and they will catch him when he least expects it and I will have them beat his ass into a coma. BOTTOM LINE...what he did...the way he did it...his actions after it all..and the TOTAL DENIAL of HIS ACTIONS...was BEYOND DISRESPECTFUL. It was all unjust. The few times he's spoken on it..he simply says he didn't do anything and that we argued too much. And yes the last month he resided with me we DID argue cause I'M NO F'ING DUMMY AND I KNEW IN MY HEART HE WAS DEALING WITH OTHER WOMEN BECAUSE OF HIS COMPLETE 360 IN ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME, THE DISRESPECTFUL COMMENTS, CALLING ME OUT MY NAME..THE WHOLE 9!!!! And I wasn't having it. I HATE THAT LOW LIFE SON OF A BITCH AND I SWEAR IF THERE WERE NO DAMN LAWS and I DIDN"T FEAR GOD (which I do) I WOULD KILL HIM...and that's real!