I hate Halloween

I feel Horrible today. My stomach is upset and I just can't get a handle on my anxiety. I feel like I've had a constant anxiety attack since last night. :/ I can't breathe or swallow. I feel like puking and just like an overwhelming feeling all over my body. I have a fear of throwing up and when I was little I threw up on Halloween one year....another year my nonna got the flu on Halloween so this day is kinda freaking me out! Idk if I'm really sick or if its in my head and just my anxiety getting me worked up. Either way this day really sucks :/ and it's my daughters 1st Halloween so I want it to be good so bad but I can't just shake this feeling off. It just sucks cause I hate thanksgiving because my mom got sick one year and I was sick last year for it. I was sick one year on our family Christmas party day . I was sick on Easter Sunday 2 years ago. I was sick two years on 4th of July! Like omg all these days that are supposed to be happy days I have to be anxious and not enjoy because of my stupid fear :/. Can't wait for this damn day to be over already.....but not because tonight will suck cause company is gonna be here so imma be hella anxious. And then I won't be able to sleep because of anxiety then I will wake up nauseas and anxious and have doctor appointments which will be hard on my anxiety. Wow this is just really shitty :\