I hate depression/bipolar/anxiety

So, since 2007 I have battled anxiety/depression/bipolar. All of my life, even as a child has been horrible, I have been abused by family and in relationships, mostly physcial abuse, getting beat everyday. In 2005 I had gotten with someone and we started dating it was great, after things got more serious, he kidnapped me and held me against my will for almost 8 months, I had no contact with family or friends, he would trade me for drug use, he would beat me and I had to be intimate anytime that he said or be beaten. I finally was able to break out and get to my mother. I started having anxiety and depression and was even suicidal I tried many times to take my own life, was institutionalized in 2007-2008 for that, I did well with the check ups and meds for a few years until a few years back and lost my job and just couldn't afford the meds and bills, I am unable to work because of my anxiety. I have so much anger and hate inside of me that I spend most of my days hidden in my room because its just the best way to deal with everything, I hate it because I am missing so much of life hiding. I want and need help I just don't know how to get it. I just want to be normal, to not be obese, to not hate myself, to not be bipolar and have all the baggage and drama I have in my soul.