I hat anxiety
The anxiety has been really bad for me the last few days. I hate it because it robs me of clear thinking. I have days where I feel like I'm accepting my situation, know that I can't change it, and feel strong enough to face it.
Then the anxiety comes and it like a suffocating jacket that just wraps me up. My situation feels overwhelming and I'm afraid of everything. I've been looking forward to our weekend in the Keys coming up. Me, the boys, their friends and my good friend. Now I'm afraid of all the memories I'll be facing and worried that I'll have a panic attack and ruin everyone's good time. I've never been away with Margaret before and I don't want to ruin her weekend or embarrass myself. I've got the xanax, but by the time I'm in the throws of a panic attack, they don't help. I've already forewarned everyone that I might get weepy and that if I do I will go off by myself. But panic attacks bring me so much shame and embarrassment. When I'm having one I can't bear the thought of anyone seeing me. It's always been like that.
I was foolish enough to try weaning off my meds. Well that plan has recently gone out the window. Problem is that husbs was always my "safe person" when I was having a panic attack. I could count on him to be there for me.
This is so painful to write. Just facing the reality that I won't have him to lean on. It's so hard because I don't want to be an emotional wreck in front of my boys, that only makes them feel awful. If I call my mom, she worries herself sick over me. My sister is in school and my friends are at work.
Guess I better get ready for work too. Now that I'm crying my eyes out and will go in red and puffy eyed again. I hate this.
Then the anxiety comes and it like a suffocating jacket that just wraps me up. My situation feels overwhelming and I'm afraid of everything. I've been looking forward to our weekend in the Keys coming up. Me, the boys, their friends and my good friend. Now I'm afraid of all the memories I'll be facing and worried that I'll have a panic attack and ruin everyone's good time. I've never been away with Margaret before and I don't want to ruin her weekend or embarrass myself. I've got the xanax, but by the time I'm in the throws of a panic attack, they don't help. I've already forewarned everyone that I might get weepy and that if I do I will go off by myself. But panic attacks bring me so much shame and embarrassment. When I'm having one I can't bear the thought of anyone seeing me. It's always been like that.
I was foolish enough to try weaning off my meds. Well that plan has recently gone out the window. Problem is that husbs was always my "safe person" when I was having a panic attack. I could count on him to be there for me.
This is so painful to write. Just facing the reality that I won't have him to lean on. It's so hard because I don't want to be an emotional wreck in front of my boys, that only makes them feel awful. If I call my mom, she worries herself sick over me. My sister is in school and my friends are at work.
Guess I better get ready for work too. Now that I'm crying my eyes out and will go in red and puffy eyed again. I hate this.
Replies
take a xanax when you feel like that - I know that they have helped me.
It will get better. Accept what you are feeling and be easy on yourself. Definitely take xanax as needed-you are on a rollercoaster.
You can do this , have a great weekend and enjoy the keys
I can hear your worry about this trip but I think once you get there you will be too busy having fun with friends and family to have one of these panic attacks.
Go with no expectations and take your meds. You have a lot on you now and whatever happens on this trip will happen. I know you will have a good time.
When my doc prescribed Xanax for me, he said \"When you KNOW you are going into a situation that is potentially stressful, take 1/2 a tablet. If you are still having symptoms and hour later, take the other half, but NO MORE.\" I followed his instructions to the letter and it worked. Just like pain meds, anti-anxiety meds are MORE EFFECTIVE if you take them at the onset of symptoms. The longer you wait, the longer it takes for them to take effect. Hugs to you, honey. It will get better!
It doesn\'t have to be that way Kel. Follow the suggestion CowgirlKathi wrote about taking half. Have a great trip.