I had to walk away

What is feeling good and what needs to change?
nothing feels good.
What gives me hope?
He came down and covered me, didn't force. 
What do I worry about?
He walked away, he never checked on me, he doesn't know I was gone for over an hour, he never asked where I was going, he never showed he cared. He did the show, the mechanical of acting like he cared, but the feeling is not there. I wanted to break things to try to release what was inside, but I was so numb and lethargic that I couldn't. I cry every day. I hurt constantly. My chest doesn't know what it's like to feel normal. I try and I try and it doesn't matter, it's like talking and living with a brick wall.. like my ex. He once said about the ex that he couldn't understand how the ex could not see obvious and real pain... and he's doing the same thing.
What makes me feel discouraged?
I still have no feeling that he wants me, that he cares, even sex is just run of the mill. He said he doesn't want me to just be a passing visitor, but he won't say that he wants me there, or that I am not just a passing visitor. He got angry with me when I told him that he really didn't want me to be there this week. If he did, he would say it, his anger is defense, it's anger at me, not love, not trying to understand, it's hate. It scared me so bad, the flight/fright, that I chose flight, I couldn't do it anymore. 
Has he stopped? no, he is still hiding, still dishonest.
Has he adhered to the terms? not yet, there are no terms, only the daily touch base, which he doesn't do now, he refuses, scheduling things during our time, Craig, kids, hasn't looked at the links, hasn't given access.
Am I fulfilling my part of the agreement and using constructive communication? not entirely, I froze, he made me feel like he was my ex, and I couldn't stay cool. I tried, I sat, I tried to numb, and I couldn't stop crying, so I left for downstairs, broke down, I couldn't talk. I didn't lash out, I answered with head nods when I could, once he left, I read, I calmed, I attempted to relax.  I was frozen, I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I couldn't talk and he just abandoned me. He refused to deal with the fact that I was in huge pain and he just left me. Just like when he wrote that betrayal, just like he withdrew from me trying to be a part of his life, just like he refuses to address key points, picking and choosing what he wants to do. He doesn't see me. He is just waiting for me to leave because he can't do it himself. 
Are we using outside resources to help when indicated? Not yet.