I had the Fairy Tale..

I was just thinking about everything that's happened the past 13 years of my life. Day to day we take for granted all the blessings that are given to us. I met my husband when I was 13, he was my best friend until I was 16 years old when somehow that friendship developed into something more. By 17, I had finished school and was in my first year of college. It was then that Matt asked me to marry him, I accepted and nothing in the world was gonna stop me. My dad of course wasn't having any of it, so we eloped the day after my 18th birthday. Two and a half years later came my beautiful baby boy Jarrett, and I knew that I was going to dedicate every waking moment to giving him anything and everything and keeping him safe from the dangers of this world. By 22, years old we had this perfect little family, a home of our own (and the Mortgage that came with it) it wasn't easy but we were determined to be independent, there was no asking for help. After 6 miscarriages,  6 years later we finally had Jonny and our little family was complete. We did so much to make our kids happy, everything from camping, to picnics by the lake were routine for our family. Then this accident happened and now I cant imagine doing anything without him. So many mornings spent huddled up all together in my bed, my hubby and I trying to chase them out...the calm feeling of us all lieing by the lake just taking it all in with my family. We had everything I'd ever wanted, and all I could focus was getting more...I was just starting my business, finishing school...why couldn't I have just been enough with what I had. I always said that I had spent all my time working with, and caring for Jarrett..like I had been cheated out of something because I put all my time into being a mom the past 9 years....I'm so angry about that.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

HIndsight is painful...you didn\'t know that you only had a short time left with Jarrett. It\'s not easy having young children, and you did the best you could at the time. No sense beating yourself up for something that you realize now you wished had been a different response. We all have those feelings and they are not easy to deal with, but kind of comes with the territory of being a bereaved Mom I guess...!
Love+Hugs, Donna
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

It is a painful part of our humanness and I can feel your anguish and I know that feeling too. Always believing that we would have another day, moment, another memory to make and to share... big sigh... Stay as long as you need to in whatever feeling is coming up for you and allow it to inform you. I\'m with you and so very sorry that this happened to your wonderful family and precious, precious Jarrett. Understanding hugs, Joanie