I had a Zombie.

A zombie is a part of you that follows you... haunts you.   It's the part that represents the things you fear and are terrified of the most.   In relationships, it's the reason we can't begin to meet people, can't start dating again, why when it gets serious we panic... are we ready?  Because if we're not ready to face it, it pops up, scares the crap out of us and we run.   And it follows.   We may think it's safe to start again... we may think we out ran it... and then suddenly it pops up from around the next corner.
My zombie was the big question WHY.   I couldn't understand it.... how could someone who vowed to love you the rest of your life, try to kill you, hurt you?  
This was something I knew I had to work out before I could really move on... really recover.  And it was something I feared the most.   Just "glancing" at it hurt.  It reminded me of all my insecurities, all my pain.  It was terrifying.
I have run from my zombie for the past year.   I was too hurt, too scared, too weak to face it.  I was too terrified that it would be right, that there was something wrong with me and I couldn't or wouldn't be able to fix it.
And then came that discussion yesterday.... I saw it that morning and ignored it.  Something kept bringing me back.  When G. targeted me (knowingly or unknowingly), I answered - I have no idea why.   It still shocks the heck out of me that I even wrote/opened up that much.   But I NEEDED it.
Because writing it out meant I was facing that Zombie... head on, face to face, nose to nose.  I studied it, poked at it, thought about it.  And as I did so, it changed... it made sense... and it wasn't so scary.  It's just there, like a wax figure in a horror museum. 
And I GET IT... ACCEPT IT... SEE IT for what it truly is... an ANSWER that I had to absorb, make a part of me, that I needed to move forward....