I had a Dream

I've dreamed about Abby but usually I don't see her and she hasn't spoken to me since before the funeral. I had a terribly busy day at work today, rolling out a new phone system. When I got home I was beat, decided to take a quick nap. I dreamed I was in a very foggy place, misty? smoky? whatever, it was very hard to see even a few feet. Then, Abby appeared, we hugged, I kissed her, she smiled, then she turned and said "bye Ken" that's all she said "bye Ken" very sweetly, sort of waved her hand and dissolved in the fog. I awoke crying like a baby. Then I called her cell just to hear her voice, and it was the same voice I'd heard in my dream. It sounded kind of strange to me, maybe it's been so long that I'm forgetting.
It's taken me about an hour to get this far, I don't know if I can finish.
Now I have to close Abby's cell account. No sense paying $50 a month for a phone nobody is using. What am I going to do?
I feel like I'm living in some bizarro world. People swirl around me all happy and excited about Christmas. I plod along like Eeyore. I feel like a turtle surrounded by a flock of birds. What are these people so happy about? Don't they know?
Abby was Jewish (sort of) but pretty agnostic about it. I'm an atheist. Christmas was not a religious holiday for us it was a special time just for us a time for remembering, a time to treat each other special, a special sharing time. Maybe that makes it worse.
But what does it bring If I ain't got you, ain't got ? You don't know what it's like, baby You don't know what it's like
To love somebody To love somebody To love somebody The way I loved you
I live and breathe for you But what good does it do If I ain't got you, ain't got you?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

First of all save Abby\'s voice on a wav. file. (Think that is the right format) Jim\'s son cut his cellphone off much sooner that I would have liked but at least I was able to save the recording.

At first I couldn\'t picture Jim as he was before.......only frail and sick like he was at the end. I, too, worried that the memories would fade and go away forever. They don\'t. Now when I think of him I see him as he was before. You will see your Abby that way too. Just give yourself time.
songsofthenight
songsofthenight

I understand the feelings you describe...in 22 weeks I\'ve only dreamed of bigbear once, and that was the late night/early morning of Thanksgiving Day..other than that nothing....I like to think he\'s around here somewhere in the house, but I don\'t feel him around me any where...I took over bigbear\'s cell phone, number , the whole works and if I call it I hear him say his name, other than that nothing....I keep thinking it\'s gonna get better and it is, just slowly... we can all ride this boat of despair through the storm until we get to calmer water and feel better...just take it easy...hugs, Sandi
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have my Jim\'s voice on his business answering service. I know I should cut it off - it cost\'s $25.00 per month and it\'s an outside service. I could use the home answering machine for free. I had to cut his cell phone off as it was a blackberry / phone / web... the whole package and was $400 per month...
Early on I dreamed of Jim a few times but haven\'t now for a while. I ask him every night to come to me in my dreams... maybe he\'s busy having a grand adventure! That\'s what I like to think.
Ken, you will get through Christmas. We will all will. Somehow. If I have to sit on this computer day and night for the next few weeks I will - and you will too and we will all come out of this okay.
Blessings,
Linda
swindy
swindy

Oh Ken, I am praying for that dream where I will be able to kiss Rodger again. I do dream of him but until just recently he was always walking away from me. You will get through this holiday season like all of the rest of us will. We are stronger than we think. Diane
janalM
janalM

I haven\'t dreamed of Frank in a long time. I am to a point that I don\'t remember his voice anymore. I get so upset by it. Things just seem to be slipping away with time. I have been doing something, usually in the yard, like cutting down trees, not the safest thing to do, and I could smell his aftershave. It was like he was looking out for me, so I didn\'t drop a tree on myself. I too will have a hard time the Xmas, but we will get through it, with the help of other DS members. I will keep you in my thought and prayers. Hugs Jane
doyew
doyew

I know these are hard days for you - and for all of us. I saw a funny video from YouTube last week. It might bring you a smile. Steve Martin and a quartet singing \"Atheists Don\'t Have No Songs\" --he\'s quite the banjo player. Wishing you peaceful days - Doye