I guess I should update...

Well... I guess I should update since my last post. Greg and I broke up. There's so many things I could say about that situation, but it'll take forever and I'd rather just not. I'm doing alright, hanging in there. I've been spending a lot of time with one of my best friends, Jeremy. I think we're kind of into eachother but I'm basically terrified and no where near ready or wanting a relationship. Everytime he tries to talk to me about it or do something nice, I push him away. He knows about Kayden, he was one of the first people I talked to after it happened. And although I won't share his story on here (that's personal and not my place to say anything) I can say he somewhat understands more than most; his daughter's name is Madison Marie. And he's always been there for me, especially when it comes to Kayden. He talks to me about Madison and listens about Kayden and will tell me all the things I need to hear when I'm sad. But I just can't really handle the more than friends thing. I trust him more than anyone but the moment it becomes more than friends, my trust goes away. And I feel awful for that. But my last relationship has left me broken, bruised, and untrusting. I'm not even sure I ever want to get married now.

I had a dream about Kayden last night. She was here. I was getting ready for work and went in her room with a bottle to feed her and she wasn't breathing...I woke up so upset and freaking out and it was awful.

One day I'll be ok. But once again, today is not that day.


Kayden Alexis-
I miss you so much. Mommy thinks about you constantly. Even though mommy and daddy aren't together, we both still love you greatly and wish every day that you were here with us. I hope you're doing well where you are because you scared mommy in her dream. I love you, angel, and I will write you soon.