I GIVE UP!!
Well Journal,
Not the best of days for me,i have been trying to get in a better frame of mind lately,and i just cant,everytime i turn around something else gets in the way of me moving on with what I need to do......
Its become increasingly hard for me to put myself first and foremost(and no I am not giving up the fight) just some days it drags me down,because i think (i may have a touch of OCD) i want everything done quickly and to my specifications,tired of chasing people(my lawyer for 1,my therapist for another),it just seems like 1 of those weeks where nothing is coming together for me and i get frustrated and angry.
My mind says it will come together for me,but i am one of those people that is not very good at waiting,which seems to be all i am doing lately......STBX is a pain in my butt,and work is work with all idiot co-workers also.
I worry ALOT!! not about my self,but for others ,my parents,my niece who we just found out is only 4 weeks pregnant not 8,thats why they could not hear the heartbeat b4 this past tuesday.
Now i recv'd a text from my GF(the one we had the bridal shower for on sunday),and her fiancee' just came home early,because he got laid off TODAY from his job,4 jobs in 5 years this man has been laid off from.....I see a pattern here,but god forbid i tell her that, I mean he is a nice guy,but he is 1 of those workers that wants to be head of the company in 2 months time,so i think thats what happened this time,he may have gotten a little to big for his britches and probably pissed off his bosses. She wont tell me the real reason,she never does.
I am trying to put all this on the back burner of my mind,and concentrate on me,myself and I,then i think am i being selfish here?Its just so hard somedays,but I have 4 days off next week thurs-sunday,(which i cant wait for),cuz maybe then I can get most of my stuff done and push forward more with my goals....here's hopeing.
Not the best of days for me,i have been trying to get in a better frame of mind lately,and i just cant,everytime i turn around something else gets in the way of me moving on with what I need to do......
Its become increasingly hard for me to put myself first and foremost(and no I am not giving up the fight) just some days it drags me down,because i think (i may have a touch of OCD) i want everything done quickly and to my specifications,tired of chasing people(my lawyer for 1,my therapist for another),it just seems like 1 of those weeks where nothing is coming together for me and i get frustrated and angry.
My mind says it will come together for me,but i am one of those people that is not very good at waiting,which seems to be all i am doing lately......STBX is a pain in my butt,and work is work with all idiot co-workers also.
I worry ALOT!! not about my self,but for others ,my parents,my niece who we just found out is only 4 weeks pregnant not 8,thats why they could not hear the heartbeat b4 this past tuesday.
Now i recv'd a text from my GF(the one we had the bridal shower for on sunday),and her fiancee' just came home early,because he got laid off TODAY from his job,4 jobs in 5 years this man has been laid off from.....I see a pattern here,but god forbid i tell her that, I mean he is a nice guy,but he is 1 of those workers that wants to be head of the company in 2 months time,so i think thats what happened this time,he may have gotten a little to big for his britches and probably pissed off his bosses. She wont tell me the real reason,she never does.
I am trying to put all this on the back burner of my mind,and concentrate on me,myself and I,then i think am i being selfish here?Its just so hard somedays,but I have 4 days off next week thurs-sunday,(which i cant wait for),cuz maybe then I can get most of my stuff done and push forward more with my goals....here's hopeing.
Replies
RIGHT NOW, this is about YOU. You have a mission to accomplish and the only way to do this is to STAY focused on U.
YOU need the support -- now. It\'s not just the moving out but then going thru the process once you are moved out.
Right now, exclude yourself from others problems.
I know that when it was time for me to leave, I got my mind and body ready for the long haul. This was about me and nobody else. It\'s selfish but I stayed away from family and put myself around positive ppl at that time. I had friends that were in a good place -- just to help me move. Their mood of happiness for me moving on surged thru the air and onto me in order for me to get thru that. Moving from the stbx is stressful even though the marriage has ended years ago, been there. I also moved out while he was at work, it was planned out methodically, systematically and snappy. Just the air alone had a feeling of moving on and happiness because I put it there and you must do the same.
THIS IS ABOUT YOU. FILL your mind AND the air WITH GOOD DREAMS OF WHAT YOUR FUTURE WILL BE LIKE AND KEEP THAT IN YOUR MIND at all times and just move FORWARD.
Nothing is going to change if you don\'t get the ENVIRONMENT ready for you to move on. EVERYBODY else will be taken care of by someone other than you, right now.
Let it go, they R on their way to a happy life with OR without you AND you must do the same.
GOD is with you. He will carry you for whatever your need is. He\'s supporting you right now. Talk to him and ask him for his help. I\'ve told you that he took care of me at the most darkest time of my divorce.
Look around you, people around you are moving forward AND you must also.
NO, NO, YOU CANNOT give up -- on yourself.
Think appy thoughts so you can move out AND move on.
Deal with the saddness -- later.
Fill your mind with how great it will be on your own, no longer having to be around the stbx, not having to look at him. How your environment will be filled with positive air.
How you will have BETTER control with what your mood will be for the day.
I used to wake up angry, when I wanted to be outa there & away from the stbx. He could no longer get me angry when I moved out and I kept that thought with me and I still say that today, he\'s not around to get me angry anymore because he didn\'t do this or he didn\'t do that and when he does this and that he makes me angry -- all of that is gone and this is what you have to look forward to in this new journey.
PLEASE, DON\'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF
I love your replies energy thanks so much,your right on all counts,everybody else is moving on why shouldnt I,never really thought of it that way,but your right,I am 46 yrs old,time to get MY LIFE to the happiness circle and join with the other people.....your such a great friend and supporter for me,thanks for the push in the right direction.....
Your doing fine - you are going to have those days/weeks - enjoy your mini vacation and use it to recharge. Sometimes you have to let the weeds go... (Hugs)
I\'m a worrier myself. So I know how it can make you feel when those you love have difficulties. Remember though you need to take care of yourself, whatever it is that helps you relax, even if it\'s just going for a walk to clear your mind.
We women do this! So much! We put everyone ahead of US. It\'s one hell of a hard habit to break. So, be patient with yourself. It will happen! L~