I Give Up!
I know I haven't wriiten for quite some time, but today I need to vent. I've been dealing with life the best I can, with things going along OK. Winter is ending, which I'm very happy about, but at the same time I've have very sad thoughts. I think this is because the 1 year anniversary of Chuck dying is approaching and this time last year was a very, very sad emotional time. Hopefully, once the day passes, those feelings will lessen.
Some days I just feel so alone. My sons have their own lives, so I don't see them too much. Unless I call them, they don't call to talk with me or see how I am. Guess they figure "good "ol Mom is OK." I have no other family here, so here I am alone in my house. I do go to work a couple of times a week, which is good. I'm not a group person, so haven't joined any groups.
The next issue which makes me want to give up is my health issues. I saw my Dr. yesterday for a checkup. I've been trying to lose weight for many years, unsuccessfully. I try to eat healthy, because I'm diabetic. He never is happy with test results, wanting them to be better. He doesn't seem to care that the past year hasn't been the easiest year in my life. Now I have another health worry. Apparently my liver function enzymes were extremely elevated. He feel that I have gallbladder disease. Yes, I've had some symptoms, but those symptoms don't really match what one can experience. So, now I have to have an ultrasound, and possibly surgery. This is something else to cope with and deal with. Why can't I just be left alone?
I give up! I'm tired of fighting. I wouldn't do anything, but I just don't care anymore.
Some days I just feel so alone. My sons have their own lives, so I don't see them too much. Unless I call them, they don't call to talk with me or see how I am. Guess they figure "good "ol Mom is OK." I have no other family here, so here I am alone in my house. I do go to work a couple of times a week, which is good. I'm not a group person, so haven't joined any groups.
The next issue which makes me want to give up is my health issues. I saw my Dr. yesterday for a checkup. I've been trying to lose weight for many years, unsuccessfully. I try to eat healthy, because I'm diabetic. He never is happy with test results, wanting them to be better. He doesn't seem to care that the past year hasn't been the easiest year in my life. Now I have another health worry. Apparently my liver function enzymes were extremely elevated. He feel that I have gallbladder disease. Yes, I've had some symptoms, but those symptoms don't really match what one can experience. So, now I have to have an ultrasound, and possibly surgery. This is something else to cope with and deal with. Why can't I just be left alone?
I give up! I'm tired of fighting. I wouldn't do anything, but I just don't care anymore.
Replies
Norm has been dead about 13 months and there are days I cann\'t believe he is STILL DEAD..............one of my ds friends said she just gets so weary............and that is how I feel........this is never ending..........get through the day and evening and then realize we have to go through it all over again in the morning.............eeeeek........had the flu for a couple of weeks.............it is so hard to deal with health issues on our own on top of the grief...............I am alone here too...have my house for sale and if it does sell, will move to WI to be near my son and his family..............that may or may not be a good move.......lolol......take heart dear friend.........keep in touch.....I also need to lose weight...........food just seems to be the cheapest means of comfort..................
Lori
There is a term \"knocking the wind out of your sails\", it seems like since my husband died there is no wind. Every once in a while I catch a slight breeze they buoys my hopes only to be disappointed. Who ever knew that this devastation would be so lasting and so complete. I hope your health news improves and you manage your way out of this valley. To all of you who have lost weight, I found it..sarcastically I thank you..
Thankyou for taking the time to read my \"venting\" and your kind words of support. I\'m feeling better now and not so alone. A gal from my doc office called and gave me words of support. She was able to change my ultrasound from Mon. to tomorrow at another facility. She even offered to go with me tomorrow. How kind.
I talked with my Mom, my 2 sons and a co-worker. Of course, Mom listened and was supportive. My sons assured me they would be there for me if surgery was needed. My co-worker friend would be there also, if needed. So, hopefully, whatever is going on isn\'t too serious and can be fixed. I just didn\'t want to have to face another health issue, but guess that is life. I know I\'m not alone and that helps.
I heard from my Dr. today, getting the results from the ultrasound. I have gallstones and apparently a duct is blocked. So, I will need surgery to have my gallbladder removed, hopefully as soon as possible. At least, it\'s a fixable problem.