I give myself very good advice... but I very seldom follow it.

So it's been almost a month since I moved in with my sister. I officially got all my things moved out of the house he and I shared and into a storage unit. I couldn't believe it. 98% of my life could fit into a 10x15 storage space. That's amazing and sad all at the same time. I haven't seen him very often and I made sure that he was the one to contact me first... and so far the relationship is amicable. He is careful to treat me like a friend but the fact of the matter is on paper we are still married and I still consider him to be my husband. I guess I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that these years are just... nothing now. He moved into an apartment with his brother and says our dog hates it. Of course he does, he's used to having a yard. I'm sleeping on the couch and sharing a bathroom and closet with a going on 12 year old. My sister's being a tyrant but that's just in her personality.
Had a bad moment not too long ago. I was on the verge of breaking down and realized... other than my car I had no where to be by myself and let this panic attack happen. Everywhere I went in my sister's apartment there would be someone who could hear or who would be poking their heads in to see what was going on. So... I don't know why, but I texted him.
He was very supportive. He invited me up to his workplace and since he works nights he was alone. He encouraged me to get it all out and cry - - which is something he hasn't done in the course of our relationship. He let me just have an all out hissy fit all over him and just told me it was okay. I needed that very badly. And afterward I felt almost human again. The two ladies I've been turning to for council and comfort had told me NO that was a BAD IDEA but... I'm really glad I went. I know it doesn't change anything between us (which yeah, that sucks) and I know that I'd probably be miserable if we got back together but... I'm still glad I went. Does this make me a sadist?
I'm having trouble dealing with this anxious, empty feeling that's gnawing at my insides lately. I've had so much change in a short time and so much that I'm not sure about in my future that it's making my head spin. I hate this uncomfortable somethings wrong feeling I have in my gut and I know it's from all this and that one day it'll pass.... but God that day can't come soon enough. I'm lonely. Very lonely. Even in an apartment full of people (women) I feel like I'm on my own.
My mantra lately is "I just don't know anymore".