I Get It Now
So yesterday, my phone was going off all day with texts and voice mails from people asking me how I was doing. I felt it odd that people I have not talked to since my STBX left were now inquiring on my status. I called my best friend and she informed me that my STBX had posted a picture of him and his new conquest on FaceBook and said that this woman has his heart and he dares anyone to question it. He then supported his status with a lengthy post about why he left me and how this woman completes him. Obviously, my heart exploded in my chest into a million pieces because he has only been gone for 4 months and already he is in love with someone. I felt so defeated. I will admit that I still had that one shred of hope that he would realize that all this nonsense should stop and that he would come home. Well, that shred had snapped and I now have to face reality.
Everyone I talked with knows that what he posted about me is completely false and they keep telling me that he is going to hit bottom soon and really hard. I find no comfort in that. My heart is shattered and right now I do not think that Gorilla Glue could hold it together. I have asked everyone to please stop informing me of activities because for the 4 steps I take forward, when I hear of him being happy, I take 3 steps backs. I am tired of going backwards. I know that I will have bad days, but I need for them to be less than my good ones.
What is crazy is that after hearing about all this shit, I now get it. This "man" is not meant to be in my life. He abandoned his family for clubs, drinking and women. We deserve so much more than that. The deep longing I had for him in the back of my heart has vanished and has been replaced with disgust. I cannot believe that for 16 years I loved this bastard and allowed this love to control my thoughts. NO MORE!! I am in control of how I feel and what I think and right now I am telling myself to move forward and show him no compassion. I hope the new love of his life is going to help him pay all this alimony and child support I will be awarded next month. Like I said, no compassion.
Everyone I talked with knows that what he posted about me is completely false and they keep telling me that he is going to hit bottom soon and really hard. I find no comfort in that. My heart is shattered and right now I do not think that Gorilla Glue could hold it together. I have asked everyone to please stop informing me of activities because for the 4 steps I take forward, when I hear of him being happy, I take 3 steps backs. I am tired of going backwards. I know that I will have bad days, but I need for them to be less than my good ones.
What is crazy is that after hearing about all this shit, I now get it. This "man" is not meant to be in my life. He abandoned his family for clubs, drinking and women. We deserve so much more than that. The deep longing I had for him in the back of my heart has vanished and has been replaced with disgust. I cannot believe that for 16 years I loved this bastard and allowed this love to control my thoughts. NO MORE!! I am in control of how I feel and what I think and right now I am telling myself to move forward and show him no compassion. I hope the new love of his life is going to help him pay all this alimony and child support I will be awarded next month. Like I said, no compassion.
Replies
Our husbands sound very similar. I too am at the phase where longing has turned to disgust. I\'m so glad that you\'re feeling empowered. Show him no mercy.
for him to post his rantings and lies about YOU on FB just goes to show what scum he is.....you will be better off w/out him. I agree, people need to stop telling you about his postings BUT in this case I think you needed to know so that you can now really move forward. Hope is gone, he killed it. Yes, this is a step back and you may have more but you have also come a long way. Just keep going!!!
My heart breaks for you but you are strong and an awesome mom.....he no longer has any place in your heart or head....get rid of the bum.
I agree with everyone..ohhh, I\'m burning up mad for you. Sometimes, I hate FB. Ok. He is showing his maturity and class by putting a woman he just freaking met up there on his page and ranting about the mother of his children. I will tell you that while it hurts..his flappin\' lips will bury any shred of wanting you have for him. Who does that? Teenagers do that nonsense. He\'s an overgrown boy. My ex was like that to a point. He would post these stupid memes directed at me and email me them...bitter, ridiculous memes. Ugh. It shows how low his integrity is and his vibration. YOU are on a better path now..you are. Keep the faith, because you are better than that and your new life..maybe not right now, maybe not in 6 months, but one day.. will shine brighter than it would have if you stayed. Let him have his rebound, you\'re shooting for more.
So sorry to read this sweetie. He\'s acting like a child, not a man. Hold strong dear and be careful who you talk to in person or online. Keep boundaries. Hold your head high because you are so much better than that crap.
It makes me furious at him, for you, and your kids.
You are obviously a very wise woman, with her heart in the right place. Don\'t let him knock you down dear. We have your back.
Thank you all for those words of support. I tell myself to take it day by day, but now I am doing it hour by hour. While I know I will never get a answer, I still wonder how 16 years can just end like this. My STBX has isolated himself from his family and life long friends and now hangs with men and women the age of our oldest son (21). What the hell happened? I have accepted that my marriage is over, that I am moving forward and once again, this pain is a temporary state. I still have a full life ahead of me. I just have to live it.