i fucken hate you

just have to figure out when it will be my turn to be happy ... one day i will be ok and look back and nevr wantto talk to him again and when he has nothing i will have evrything and he will be sorry one day he willl be very sorry he will get his karma for using me and abusing me i kno it it just has to happen ... i m a good person i really am but i amd using my grandma for her money and lyinh about school i hate myself i want to die no wonder bad stuffs happenign to me i am taking advatage of someone who has all  been there for me thru everythung and i have ruined everything ... no wonder i am gettting the shit end .... why am i such a bad personnnnn ughhhh someone jsut kill me plwaseeee ..... i cant take this anymore ..... i just wish some thing good would happen in my life ughhhhhhh how much more do i needd totell myself that he is not happy ughhhh not with meeeeeee ughhhh i will become something and someone eventually and everything will be ok it has to