I freaking knew it
I knew "reality" would hit me and I would break down. I felt the reality of a empty womb and not to mention my husband gets on my nerves. I get men see things differently and his complaint is "how do I deal with you when you get so moody, you hurt my feelings" Hmmm...I get that, and we have to watch how we are treating our husbands when we are grieving, angry,and hurting. Yet, I DO FEEL selfish because he doesn't have to deal with all the emotions physically and emotionally. So part of me likes "PLEASE" you have to deal with a cranky wife cus she just lost her FIRST AND ONLY child if she wants to try again, she has to crank out thousands of dollars to do it. SHe also has to try and be a good wife and step mom and deal with the constant reminders of everyday life that no she's not a mom or pregnant anymore, BUT YOU ARE MAD CUS YOU HAVE A CRANKY WIFE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? SHUT THE HELL UP. Okay no I didn't tell him that, but I thought it!Everyday I have to make a choice to deal with all of this and TRY to stay positive and ask GOd everyday to help me deal with it. Sorry for my choice words, but that's just how it is today! I am not strong in this moment!! I am SO VERY, VERY , TIRED of this. My heart hurts and my soul is tired of this race. It's been soo very long and I am tired. I need strength..
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Scream all you want honey...and you are right MEN dont get it at all....they just dont understand that not only do you have to deal with the emotional side of the whole grieving process...you also have a shwack of physical things going on too....fluctuating hormone levels etc....I truly feel for you and hope that things level out somewhat in the next little way...but kudos to you for trying to be positive although it is hard at times.....and you shouldnt feel selfish at all....you need to take some time for you....how does anyone even begin to expect you to look after anyone else when you need to look after you first....I only wish I could take that pain away....BIG HUGs...you are not alone!!!!!
You are better than me because when I was depressed last year over our miscarriage and my husband told me that I didn\'t have to act a certain way, he got told off because I personally feel like he was being inconsiderate of my pain. We need to grieve and there is no right or wrong way to do that. I wasn\'t beating him down or anything. I got mad at him for telling me to just pray when I\'m sobbing uncontrollably. He knows that I pray all of the time...more than him. I\'m praying for strength for you and I don\'t think that you\'re being selfish. You are just trying to learn how to deal with all these emotions. It does take a while for the hormones to level out...it took me like 7 months the first time. I know how you feel because I lean very heavily on my faith, but I feel like I\'ve been messing up so badly lately. I\'m sorry I will be thinking of you.
Men do not remotely understand the depths of grieving that women go through. I used to feel guilty too, for being unable to get over my losses, when he seemed to be able to. And I felt so alone, that he had left me alone in my sadness when I needed him the most. But, we both learned how we needed to handle things differently, and we got better at it. I would give him a \"weather report\" when I got home, as to how shitty I was feeling that day, and a tip as to what I needed -- cuddles, space or distraction. He did much better with explicit instructions, and it took some of the pressure off him too -- tiptoeing around me, never knowing when I would lose it.
It gets better.
Men grieve differently than women. There are times when we must go to our own corner and remain there until we are somewhat sane. Your husband did not carry the baby under his heart for months.
This is the place for you to vent, cry and scream. We understand.
Hugs!!!
N.