I finally did it

Well, I finally admitted I was an alcoholic to myself after blacking out...meaning I was awake but could not remember things I said or things that I did. I have a beautiful wife,kids and grand children, but all that I wanted or thought I needed was a cold beer and for people to leave me alone. This was Monday 7-20-15...the first day of my sobriety...scares the living hell out of me. I want to be around for my wife and family but the craving is so strong...I want to rationalize my thoughts of just getting a beer and saying what the F**k...this is sheer will power that I don't do it...it is not fun at the moment but I have to do it for me and my family. I feel like I could literally cry at the drop of a hat...and I am not one to show my feelings at all.