I FINALLY Did It

okay so....i've been putting of emailing my department head for weeks...nearly a month, since i caught swine flu and was out of classes for two weeks and then started decompensating into depression and we all know what happened from there...blah blah, rapid cycling, suicidal, more depression, abulia... this weekend my goal was to check my voicemail and email my department head. so...no go on the voicemail. maybe tomorrow? but i DID email my department head. i'm a bit anxious about that. oh who am i kidding, i'm so nervous i'm about to wet my pants. but at least it's done. and as my therapist says the worst that can happen is they kick me out of the program. that'd break my heart (and maybe my mind too), but i'm hoping she'll be understanding. i'm sure evil dr. q has already blabbed all about my being bipolar to everyone, so she'll likely not be surprised. but it's done and dusted so i really can't/shouldn't worry about it. and i feel a little better having accomplished something.  'course now i need to figure out when my library books are due (university libraries this time so at least there'll be no more bench warrant warnings from the city prosecutor's office).  so not quite a 'yay me!' moment, but it's something.  UPDATE: I checked my voicemail--made notes on all 15 messages, granted 5 of them were from my mother so maybe my 6th sense was trying to protect me? hahahah. anyway, it's done. now i need to call my therapist and check to see if the p-doc is back in town.