I FINALLY Did It
okay so....i've been putting of emailing my department head for weeks...nearly a month, since i caught swine flu and was out of classes for two weeks and then started decompensating into depression and we all know what happened from there...blah blah, rapid cycling, suicidal, more depression, abulia... this weekend my goal was to check my voicemail and email my department head. so...no go on the voicemail. maybe tomorrow? but i DID email my department head. i'm a bit anxious about that. oh who am i kidding, i'm so nervous i'm about to wet my pants. but at least it's done. and as my therapist says the worst that can happen is they kick me out of the program. that'd break my heart (and maybe my mind too), but i'm hoping she'll be understanding. i'm sure evil dr. q has already blabbed all about my being bipolar to everyone, so she'll likely not be surprised. but it's done and dusted so i really can't/shouldn't worry about it. and i feel a little better having accomplished something. 'course now i need to figure out when my library books are due (university libraries this time so at least there'll be no more bench warrant warnings from the city prosecutor's office). so not quite a 'yay me!' moment, but it's something. UPDATE: I checked my voicemail--made notes on all 15 messages, granted 5 of them were from my mother so maybe my 6th sense was trying to protect me? hahahah. anyway, it's done. now i need to call my therapist and check to see if the p-doc is back in town.
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your therapist can\'t tell anyone about your bipolar- if you don\'t like her though why don\'t you try to find a new one?
oh no, my therapist is awesome and very professional-she\'s very adamant about privacy especially with regards to HIPPA. evil dr. q-- is one of my profs this semester. i had a long talk with him about bipolar, ocd and anxiety early on because i was having issues in his class. i don\'t think he\'s bound to keep any confidences according to university ethics and i didn\'t know at the time that he\'s evidently the department\'s biggest gossip (joy). i meant that my department head will likely not be surprised by my email. i told her i was dealing with \"an illness unrelated to swine flu\" but because dr. q-- has a big mouth she\'ll probably know (along with everyone else) that i\'m bipolar. evil dr. q-- has been deemed such because he questioned whether my being at the university was ethical since i\'m bipolar and not stable for great periods of time. i should\'ve told him to stuff it, unfortunately i fixated on it instead and sent myself into a tailspin. so now i just call him evil dr. q-- because if i don\'t laugh about it i\'ll likely cry.