I feel yucky and fat

I feel like a total slob. The push and pull of wanting to splurge on sweets and yet be slim and do all the right patterned behaviours is horrible. I can't stand it, some days - most days- i give in. The guilt and self dismissal is pretty large in my head and It's so hard to get by it.Truth is.. I use food to make me feel better and to forget about how I fear getting fat and how I don't like my body. I'm determined this year will be better than last, and I still have not gotten into bulemia or anything like that so that's GOOOD.... I look forward to getting back into the gym too.I just want to have that flat stomach so badly and this bulge of my belly is just another reason for me to stay unhappy with myself - I know it's about putting in the hard work and it's meant to be hard- I know this .. it's just not working for me....