I feel like crap 2

I am glad that there are people who care. I have become so pessimistic in recent years. I have allowed that horrible family court ordered program to suck it out of me. They have brainwashed me into believing that I was a deadbeat dad and don't deserve to be happy. The Mandatory Fatherhood group meetings was a big joke! All it was teaching me was to be bitter and pessimistic.  I am no longer associated with them, they have left a negative affect on me. I don't know how to get the person that I am back. All I have endured has taken a toll on me. 

I want to prove to those people, that judge, and everyone else that they are wrong about me. I know that I won't see my daughter anytime soon and not going to try to find her because I've tried with no success. I will wait until she is even past 18. My ex has successfully made sure that I am not in my daughter's life. What is the point in celebrating Father's Day? I have stopped a long time ago. I need help in getting my life back on track. I don't know where to start.