I feel...
Pretty darn awful. This evening (or yesterday evening, considering it's now 4:16 am) I had to take two pain killers just to take the edge off. My legs were on FIRE. I mean fire. Felt like liquid flamed were running down my back an legs. Into my groin, knees and outside thigh muscles. I felt like screaming from it, almost started crying.
I know that the water therapy is supposed to help and I'm not giving up on it considering that I just started but...I haven't had this many problems with the burning, electric feeling in a while and after my appointment for physical therapy last week, well. It's been bad. I felt the burning starting when I was doing the leg exercises in the water but grit my teeth and pushed through. I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to pain.
I don't know what to do. Or think. I can't say feel because all I feel right now is so much discomfort I feel like crawling under a rock and dying. I'm so tired of all this pain. I can't have sex with my Fiance and it's getting to the point where cuddling is almost out of the picture, too. He tries to cuddle me but the weight of his arm kills my back and when I try to roll over to cuddle him I spasm. I'm so frustrated with my life.
They both start school this week and I have mixed feelings. I'm so happy and thrilled that they're both getting or finishing their education but I'm not looking forward to being alone during the day and some evenings. I hate being alone when I'm in a lot of pain. I want to finish my education, damn it. This isn't fair. What did I do to deserve all of this pain in my life?
My whole body aches and burns. I can't find any relief besides large (but safe) doses of my pain medicine but I'm almost out and don't have any refills left and I really don't feel like calling for a refill. My primary care doctor is the one giving me pain medicine and she used to be very caring but now it seems like she's given up on me. Or labeled me as a drug seeker or even melodramatic. It makes me feel so awful.
My throat is tight now thinking about how I feel so many people think I'm exaggerating. That I'm making it out to be so much worse than it is. I wish they could experience my pain for just one day to make them understand. To give them just a hint at what I go through day after day.
I can't even get relief in my sleep anymore. I wake up all the time and I used to feel pretty good when I first got up. Now my waking sensations are feeling like I was in a cement mixer with cattle prods thrown into the mix as well.
I want a vacation from my life, please. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. What did I do to deserve this?
Help me. I look around at our apartment. At my cage. I hate it. I hate that I have to put padded mats on the floor, doubled up, just so I can wash some dishes or cook dinner. Even then usually I can't finish. I hate that I need someone in the bathroom with me at times when I shower because I have a tendency now to lose my balance.
I hate that I'm dropping everything. I'm not sure what's up with that but it's pretty aggravating when I go to get something and drop it, thus having to bend over to get it, which causes even more pain and a possible spasm.
I want to weep. Kick. Scream. Say it isn't fair. Feel sorry for myself. Well, I guess I am in this entry but...oh well. I know it won't change anything and it won't make the pain lessen.
I stare at the painting of the woods I got for Christmas and long to be there.
I just want some relief. Why does my body betray me.
I know that the water therapy is supposed to help and I'm not giving up on it considering that I just started but...I haven't had this many problems with the burning, electric feeling in a while and after my appointment for physical therapy last week, well. It's been bad. I felt the burning starting when I was doing the leg exercises in the water but grit my teeth and pushed through. I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to pain.
I don't know what to do. Or think. I can't say feel because all I feel right now is so much discomfort I feel like crawling under a rock and dying. I'm so tired of all this pain. I can't have sex with my Fiance and it's getting to the point where cuddling is almost out of the picture, too. He tries to cuddle me but the weight of his arm kills my back and when I try to roll over to cuddle him I spasm. I'm so frustrated with my life.
They both start school this week and I have mixed feelings. I'm so happy and thrilled that they're both getting or finishing their education but I'm not looking forward to being alone during the day and some evenings. I hate being alone when I'm in a lot of pain. I want to finish my education, damn it. This isn't fair. What did I do to deserve all of this pain in my life?
My whole body aches and burns. I can't find any relief besides large (but safe) doses of my pain medicine but I'm almost out and don't have any refills left and I really don't feel like calling for a refill. My primary care doctor is the one giving me pain medicine and she used to be very caring but now it seems like she's given up on me. Or labeled me as a drug seeker or even melodramatic. It makes me feel so awful.
My throat is tight now thinking about how I feel so many people think I'm exaggerating. That I'm making it out to be so much worse than it is. I wish they could experience my pain for just one day to make them understand. To give them just a hint at what I go through day after day.
I can't even get relief in my sleep anymore. I wake up all the time and I used to feel pretty good when I first got up. Now my waking sensations are feeling like I was in a cement mixer with cattle prods thrown into the mix as well.
I want a vacation from my life, please. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. What did I do to deserve this?
Help me. I look around at our apartment. At my cage. I hate it. I hate that I have to put padded mats on the floor, doubled up, just so I can wash some dishes or cook dinner. Even then usually I can't finish. I hate that I need someone in the bathroom with me at times when I shower because I have a tendency now to lose my balance.
I hate that I'm dropping everything. I'm not sure what's up with that but it's pretty aggravating when I go to get something and drop it, thus having to bend over to get it, which causes even more pain and a possible spasm.
I want to weep. Kick. Scream. Say it isn't fair. Feel sorry for myself. Well, I guess I am in this entry but...oh well. I know it won't change anything and it won't make the pain lessen.
I stare at the painting of the woods I got for Christmas and long to be there.
I just want some relief. Why does my body betray me.
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