i dont know where to start

Sometimes I wonder why am I trying to hold onto something that doesnt show he wants to be held on too?  Its because I love him.  And in some ways it makes me very sick.  I am getting so tired of feeling like im being stepped on and used by him.  Its only been a week for him to be home for the fourth time.  I feel like I have made much more of an effort then he has in our broken marriage.  Something that I felt wasnt even broken to begin with.  I asked him to go on a date with me tonight.  Well its a little after 8 and his still not home.  I would have thought he would have been home by now.  I feel that this is home, so that is why he is here.  his shop is here, his stuff is here but thats its.  I want to feel wanted and needed.  I dont feel that way.  It hurts my feelings so badly when I send him a text message saying something like I cant wait to see you or cant wait to give you a hug and a kiss.  and guess what I get back, nothing.  Why am i trying to hold onto something that doesnt want to be held on to????