I dont know what to do anymore
Its been a little to long since I last wrote anything. He is still living at hs dads house. He has finally broke down and said how sorry he is for everything that he has said and done to me in the last 4 years. He went through my email and found an email I had wrote to my dad and that is what started everything. He saw how unhappy I was and saw what he was doing to me through these emails to my dad. I honestly don't know what to do right now. The way I felt for him is gone. Its lost. He broke me. I still love him, but the feeling I had for him at the begining of all of this is gone. That fight I had at the begining of wanting to keep everything together is gone. I have learned to cope without him for the most part. I am learning to be a single mom to three. I am learning to live alone. He now cries all of the time when he sees me. All I could do was say, your feeling what I felt, TWICE. In some ways I am mad at myself for not just taking him back with opened arms and say come on in, lets get things back like they used to be! I dont want them back like they used to be. I cant live like that. Is it wrong of me asking him to stay at his dads house and Date me? Start from the begining? He doesnt get that. I just want to make sure Im not being dumb. I can not go through this again. Having depression and anxiety now because of all of this, there is not telling what I would do if this ever happened again. I have built up a wall around me now. I dont want to get hurt.
Replies
If I can offer a bit of advice.....being much older and having experienced some of what you are going through I would only like to say.....Feelings are neither right or wrong!!! So you are entitled to feel any way you want.However this wall you are building is no good.....It is like shutting the sun out of your life, you will soon find it cold, dark, damp and lonely. Find yourself some nice people (a church group) or something similar surround yourself with positive thinking people who have Faith and Love of life in them. You will be happier for it. Read my journals If you have time, hope they may inspire you. Life can be beautiful and your still young enough to make changes and enjoy it.......xoRon
I am sorry that you have such a hard choice, but it seems that he has had another affair that has run its coarse, so now he wants you back, is it for love or for money? I know I could never accept my X back after the pain she is causing and I could NEVER trust her again. I would never want to open myself up for that again \" picture goldfish in blender\"
I\'ve heard you can never go back, not sure if I believe that or not but I would like to hope that if two people are willing and fight together for the relationship it could happen, not necessarily the same but different and better. I don\'t see anything wrong with him staying at his dads and you two dating. I would give anything for my ex to offer that. It\'s his turn to wine and dine you and see where you both end up. Your walls are troublesome and if not resolved now will continue to be a problem down the road, possibly in another relationship if this one doesn\'t turn out. Good luck!
I must also say, I don\'t know your story so maybe my words don\'t apply to your situation so just be careful in your decision. My divorce and breakup wasn\'t due to affairs so I am speaking from a different point of view. Hugs.