I dont even know what I deserve anymore...
I have been in so many bad relationships, I dont even know what a good healthy relationship looks like or what I even deserve anymore. I dont know if my expectations are too high or if I am accepting crap. I think I am accepting crap.
But as each day passes, I find I care a little less about being with that person who is supposed to be my other half. I am so sick of dealing with crap and being treated like an option that I think maybe I am just meant to be single. I dont understand why its so hard to find a good guy who wants to be with you and spend time with you and make a life. Why do I find these non-committing bastards who say they want to spend the rest of their life for me, but make no effort towards a next step or a commitment.
Yep, I am all I can rely on and depend on. I am the only one who is going to be there for me. So be it, I create my little life and be single and fuck anyone who doesnt want to be a part of it, because I am tired of the crap and the bullshit. I think its worse to hold on to hope when there is none, than to be alone.
But as each day passes, I find I care a little less about being with that person who is supposed to be my other half. I am so sick of dealing with crap and being treated like an option that I think maybe I am just meant to be single. I dont understand why its so hard to find a good guy who wants to be with you and spend time with you and make a life. Why do I find these non-committing bastards who say they want to spend the rest of their life for me, but make no effort towards a next step or a commitment.
Yep, I am all I can rely on and depend on. I am the only one who is going to be there for me. So be it, I create my little life and be single and fuck anyone who doesnt want to be a part of it, because I am tired of the crap and the bullshit. I think its worse to hold on to hope when there is none, than to be alone.
Replies
Hi Spirit....your expectations for what you want in a partner are yours and yours alone and if that\'s what you want...then they can\'t be too high. It\'s what we settle for that becomes the problem oftentimes.
There is a frustration that settles in when you\'ve been shit on or burned one too many times and it makes us consider living out this life alone, but most of us aren\'t cut out for that. We just have to not settle for those who pollute our lives and instead hold people to our standards in that way.
I would rather be single than to be with someone who takes more from me than they can or want to give. Until then? I\'ll be fine. Lonely sometimes? Yes. But, that\'s still better than being with someone who isn\'t good for us. I have found that working my own defects and pile of emotional crap has been very helpful in weeding out the crap. When I started seeing things through healthier eyes I found that I have much less tolerance for the bullshit and shenanigans that some think is okay to have around. Its okay to say no, not on my time asshole and send someone packing and then keep working on your own well-being, self-worth, and so on...until the right one comes along. All in good time. (((hugs)))
working *on my own defects..