I dont even know

How many times does god have to kick me in the nuts before he is happy? If there is truly a god then he is very melevalent and hate filled to let these kinds of things happen. The ONLY THING IN MY LIFE THAT MATTERED AND KEPT ME SANE.......gone and thrown away like a piece of toilet paper just used yep thats right i DO BELIEVE that if there is a god up there then i was nothing more to him than a 240lb bowl movement. I have apparently been nothing more than that and this is exactly how my wrestling " family " has looked at me all of these years apparently and they are just now washing there hands. I see now that i was simply a filler until they all found something/somewhere else to go to and now they have found that and i mean nothing. Now it feels like i tore myself apart from the ground up for absolutely nothing when all this time i thought
" Hey atleast the boys appreciate me for what i gave them "
But no thats not the case either,They were all in on this shit and now i see all of them for exactly what they have ALWAYS been and now.....IM DONE