I don’t want this

Who does, right? But that’s all I can think as it continues to sink in that this is now my life. I was feeling pretty “normal” for a couple weeks. Last Sunday I binged on junk and paid dearly for it by being violently sick. Okay, no biggie, motivation to eat healthier! But I’ve been “good” all week and today I feel like crap. Tired. Nauseous. Depressed. I don’t want this! I want my life back. I want to eat what I want. Walk my dog. Do crazy intense workouts. Not worry every day what may “trigger” my symptoms. Not wonder each day if I’ll be able to just do normal things. I hate this! And I see no light at the end of the tunnel...just darkness the rest of my life...