I don't want this.

I've been cruising the internet... and just been bombarded with images.Images of girls. All called"Hot chick" "Cute girl" "Sexy Bitch" etc. and conversely"Photo-shop fail" "I'm imagining her with a beer belly now" "Dogs without make-up" etc.
And I just got thinking, as teenage girls do, about 
- What makes these girls hot, am I that, why not? Is that good? Is that bad?
- Why do these girls use photo-shop, and cover themselves in make-up, they look fine as they are. Sexy, cute and hot even. And I started writing how I don't want to feel about myself, as a motivator. But... it kind of descended... and as did I. In to tears.  The thing is, I'm young. I know I am not fat. I'm not over weight or under weight. I am just not happy with myself. But you know what... some of that... I'm strongly thinking isn't my fault. I know i'm not 'Unattractive' but my brain just keeps fighting me. This is what I wrote:
I don't want to feel ugly with my glasses on,I don't want to feel like my tummy sticks out in what I wear,I don't want to feel the stretch marks on my thighs,I don't want to have to wear make-up so that "my face suits my hair"I don't want to have to feel like my boobs are too small,I don't want to think my "big bum" is all flab,I don't want to feel the need to use photoshop,I don't want to worry about what I eat so much,I don't want to think my eyes are too close together,my upper arms are blotchy, my nose is a funny shape,my lips are small and fat, my skin hates me, my knees are too big,and my teeth are fake, yellow and wrong. I don't want to think the way I dress is dumpy, childish and unflattering.I don't want to feel as if dressing a little more scantily will make me more attractive - when I know that I don't like it.I don't want to think that because I'm not the way everyone wants me to be, that it will matter. I don't want to feel like I'm compared to other people, and losing. I don't want to think my smile is ugly, and my cry is even worse.I don't want to think about the way I just laughed in a conversation, over and over and replay it in my head, worrying about how weird it sounded, and did anyone notice. I don't want to think people judge me when my roots are showing.I don't want to hate my elbows, the bags under my eyes and think I have weird toes.I don't want to worry about my hairy arms, or hairy legs...I don't want to worry about my scars, which ones I love, which ones I don't.I don't want to worry about what my 'areas' must look or feel like, or worry about the surgeries I had.I don't want to bleed anymore because of him, and worry about the pain... or what could happen to me, if it all goes wrong. I don't want to cry so much. I don't want my head to tell me I'll never be loved by anyone even when I know I am. I don't want to question myself about what made me worth so little to so many, when I gave so much in return.I don't want to have to hear him play a victim to me one more time, when he is borderline Satan. I don't want to ever think some of the things I think now, ever again. I don't want to have to keep calling my boyfriend, saying he's contacted me again, and it's tearing me apart.I don't want my boyfriend to think that I think that he doesn't love me, because I know he does, and he makes me unbelievably happy.I don't want to look in the mirror and judge myself based on what others have made me think about me.I want to think I am worth what I am truly worth,to not have my brain laugh and ask me why my boyfriend could ever love me, and have to fight with it. I want this VICE that bastard has on me and my self esteem to break away,so I can enjoy my happiness always.
It's pathetic, I know. But I figured my sad, self-loathing thoughts would be safe here... 
I don't want to hurt anymore... I want to be able to enjoy the happiness I've found without self-doubt creeping in. Because I know I can be more than this. I'm just used to people making me feel so much less.