I don't understand what journals are for..

I'm stuck in a stage where I'm just a ghost. No one can see me, no one can hear me. My soul hears you aloud, and yet does not care. No one cares for me at all, no promises you keep. I see right through you. I see the fakeness deeper inside. I know the using that you are doing. I'm not your slave and never will be. I cry to myself, not killing you know. These feelings I have are hidden within me. I don't want you to know so please, leave me alone. If you don't back down I'll lock up for good. You say you know me, though we fight a lot. You say you understand, yet I do not see how. You say you love me but, I cannot believe you. You say you're there for me even though you always hurt me.