I don't understand.

Woke up late today trying to ignore the pain. Today was 'our' day. I got dressed & tried to put on a smile. I guess I'm making progress, but while driving to basketball I heard a song which brought it up again stupid song I listened for a minute, but made me feel how lonely I felt sitting there trying to figure out why I made so many mistakes, and feeling the pressure of feeling like you have changed, but it's not easy to just say that to someone. Feels like she is just dragging my heart along. Even on my weakest day I find ways to get over it & I'm trying to find ways to get stronger maybe try and meet some girls I just end up not wanting anything from anyone. Why is my heart telling me not to give up? Even though she has completely made me and after thought. Why do I feel this way? Like nothing will be the same with another woman. so frustrating sitting here asking myself if she thinks of 'our' day that brought so many memories. How could I ever forget I tried my hardest to make it work then watched it all fall apart bit by bit everything getting progressively worse. Even on my weakest day I feel myself getting no stronger. :/