I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
Mother's Day. GO TO HELL!! I am just screwed up. BF is gone for the third night in a row out having fun and I am a wreck, I don't want to leave my house or see anyone or do anything. I should have a 8 month old baby today, and be taking care of her, instead I am reliving her birth and the hell I've gone through since I first heard the words "I'm sorry, she's gone".
It's funny how something as beautiful as a pregnacy and birth can be turned into something so awful. God I love Sophia, I miss her every second, and I know that there's a mom somewhere in the world holding her stillborn baby right now just crying and crying... And it makes me so sad. 8 goddamn months and my heart is still broken and I know that I have to keep going and graduate from college next month, but I also just don't want to. I want to crawl into a dark room and just stay there.
It's NOT FAIR!! I should be a mom right now, 38 weeks!! 9 and a half months of pregnancy, and in the end I end up giving birth to my angel when she was already gone. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, she was perfect. How could God give me a glimpse of such beauty and then snatch it away forever? What would her laugh sound like? Or her eyes? Or her prom dress? give me something here God, cuz I am alone and sad and so so so sorry that my heart died on September 17th. Lord help me.
It's funny how something as beautiful as a pregnacy and birth can be turned into something so awful. God I love Sophia, I miss her every second, and I know that there's a mom somewhere in the world holding her stillborn baby right now just crying and crying... And it makes me so sad. 8 goddamn months and my heart is still broken and I know that I have to keep going and graduate from college next month, but I also just don't want to. I want to crawl into a dark room and just stay there.
It's NOT FAIR!! I should be a mom right now, 38 weeks!! 9 and a half months of pregnancy, and in the end I end up giving birth to my angel when she was already gone. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, she was perfect. How could God give me a glimpse of such beauty and then snatch it away forever? What would her laugh sound like? Or her eyes? Or her prom dress? give me something here God, cuz I am alone and sad and so so so sorry that my heart died on September 17th. Lord help me.
Replies
I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I have living children but in the 8 months since Annaya\'s Heavenbirth, I have not been the mother they deserve. I know it sounds odd, but you are NEVER alone because you have us and all of our Angels. Lord knows I have yet to hear from Annaya but so many Angel babies have visited me.
This is not an easy road and you are so young to be dealing with such grief. I keep hearing about a baby that will be dedicated next Sunday and I keep thinking \"If Annaya were here she would be dedicated next week as well\".
I\'m sorry today has been so hard for you. Each milestone is horrible but over time the pain will numb a little...
Hugs, Love & Rainbows!!!
Nneka
I am so sorry your heart is broken into a million pieces right now. Your love for Sophia is so powerful and beautiful and as much as it absolutely is unfair that your baby is in Heaven, you are still a Mommy to a beautiful angel! And she is there with you, kissing every tear you cry. She loves you so much!! Try to imagine how perfectly happy she is in Heaven right now...she will never skin her knee or break a bone...no one will hurt her precious feelings or betray her or disappoint her. We all want our babies with us on Earth, but for our babies, they get to go from the comfort of our wombs to the perfection of Heaven...which is so beautiful for them...tragic for us. I am so so sorry. And I am very angry with your BF for living a very selfish and childish existence right now. Men process things so differently...but he really needs to be there for you! Do you have a counselor or a pastor to talk to? Praying for you!