I don't know what to say...
I don't know what to say to him anymore. I ask him to call me a couple times a day. He usually calls at least once, sometimes twice. Our calls sometimes are good and sometimes are really strained. Its like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me about anything. i'm running out of thoughts and things to talk about with him. He hates the phone. He won't let me visit him so phone and letters are my only way to converse with him. Sometimes his letters take forever to get to me. We are both in Connecticut but the prison is about an hour away. He knows I would visit him in a minute. All he has to do is say the word but he won't. He says that he refuses visits from anyone. He doesnt want to be seen in there. He claims he loves me and wants to get married. Our calls lately have been so strained. he's either angry at me or frustrated about one thing or another. he says he hates the phone. There's nothing to talk about. He won't talk to me on the phone. He just leaves it to me to move the conversation along. I don't know what to say anymore. I want to hear from you everyday but he won't call me if I don't have anything to say. I don't do anything. I don't go anywhere. All I do is work and do my class work but I don't know what else to talk about anymore. I want him to help out with talking. We both have so much to say in letters but on the phone he closes up. I don't know what to do... I love him so much and I'd fall apart if he goes back to not calling... Need advise. I feel so alone. I don't have friends to talk to. I have no support. I am his support and mine.
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I get calls every day from a young man who has been in prison now for 15 years. He was just 16 when he was incarcerated and is serving a life sentence without parole. Very, very sad.
What I have come to realize through our relationship with this young man is that nothing ever pleasant happens in prison. It is a depressing place and my guess is that your loved one is looking to you to \"escape\" this depressing environment, if only for a short time. He may literally have nothing to say because one of the most grinding realities of prison is that every day is exactly like the one before and the one after.
So, yes, you may need to carry the conversation. I often do with our \"son\". It is a mistake to think your loved one is not interested in the little day to day things you do---share it with him. Even just the sound of your voice may be a comfort where he is.
Even though I do not do anything all that exciting either, I share the day\'s events with my son and he loves our calls. Before most of his calls, I generally have a few questions for him and he will give me a brief description of the day---ie, if he went to commissary or library, etc. Sometimes all we may have to talk about is what he looked up in the library or the crappy food he ate at chow hall but he knows I care by my questions and honestly it is a relief to me to hear his voice and know he is okay.
Another thought. If you are a person of faith, you might want to share devotions or something with him. I send my son a daily devotion through jpay and if we dont\' have anything in particular to discuss that day, we can talk about that.
Good luck and try not to put so much pressure on yourself to make the calls exciting. Focus more on your feelings for him and realize, like I mentioned before, that he may just need to hear your voice.
God bless!