I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
Mother's Day. GO TO HELL!! I am just screwed up. BF is gone for the third night in a row out having fun and I am a wreck, I don't want to leave my house or see anyone or do anything. I should have a 8 month old baby today, and be taking care of her, instead I am reliving her birth and the hell I've gone through since I first heard the words "I'm sorry, she's gone".
It's funny how something as beautiful as a pregnacy and birth can be turned into something so awful. God I love Sophia, I miss her every second, and I know that there's a mom somewhere in the world holding her stillborn baby right now just crying and crying... And it makes me so sad. 8 goddamn months and my heart is still broken and I know that I have to keep going and graduate from college next month, but I also just don't want to. I want to crawl into a dark room and just stay there.
It's NOT FAIR!! I should be a mom right now, 38 weeks!! 9 and a half months of pregnancy, and in the end I end up giving birth to my angel when she was already gone. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, she was perfect. How could God give me a glimpse of such beauty and then snatch it away forever? What would her laugh sound like? Or her eyes? Or her prom dress? give me something here God, cuz I am alone and sad and so so so sorry that my heart died on September 17th. Lord help me.
It's funny how something as beautiful as a pregnacy and birth can be turned into something so awful. God I love Sophia, I miss her every second, and I know that there's a mom somewhere in the world holding her stillborn baby right now just crying and crying... And it makes me so sad. 8 goddamn months and my heart is still broken and I know that I have to keep going and graduate from college next month, but I also just don't want to. I want to crawl into a dark room and just stay there.
It's NOT FAIR!! I should be a mom right now, 38 weeks!! 9 and a half months of pregnancy, and in the end I end up giving birth to my angel when she was already gone. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, she was perfect. How could God give me a glimpse of such beauty and then snatch it away forever? What would her laugh sound like? Or her eyes? Or her prom dress? give me something here God, cuz I am alone and sad and so so so sorry that my heart died on September 17th. Lord help me.
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