I Don't Know......

 
Okay... I will try to write this and not allow the computer to lose it before it's saved!!  I wrote to all my friends a week or so ago in the little hug message boxes and after writing for hours they each were lost some how.  So sick and tired... them frustrated by the computer's rudeness I just gave up for a week.
I do not want to allow this doc to touch my body, the idea of anything being pushed thru my veins and to my heart and then shoocking my heart or scaring my heart to supposedly make it work better is just not my idea of sanity.  I am tired of being sick.  My stomack has me so ill I havent beenn able to eat since the 30th of sept.  I am drinling my food in a can trying to have enuf nutrition to do this heart surgery non-surgery shit on wed.  I am now looking at seeing the throat doc and the stomach doc both for scopes after the heart thing.  If God doesnt back off with the whole physical illness thing soon I'm gunna have it out with Him.  I don't see how its helping me or anyone else that I go thru these current experiences so it had better be helping someone somewhere somehow and I just cannot see it or I will be more angry than ever b4.  I refuse to go thru this kinda crap just for the fun of it... ya know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I better try to go down for a kitty nap cuz my head is not good.