I Don't Know......

 
Okay... I will try to write this and not allow the computer to lose it before it's saved!!  I wrote to all my friends a week or so ago in the little hug message boxes and after writing for hours they each were lost some how.  So sick and tired... them frustrated by the computer's rudeness I just gave up for a week.
I do not want to allow this doc to touch my body, the idea of anything being pushed thru my veins and to my heart and then shoocking my heart or scaring my heart to supposedly make it work better is just not my idea of sanity.  I am tired of being sick.  My stomack has me so ill I havent beenn able to eat since the 30th of sept.  I am drinling my food in a can trying to have enuf nutrition to do this heart surgery non-surgery shit on wed.  I am now looking at seeing the throat doc and the stomach doc both for scopes after the heart thing.  If God doesnt back off with the whole physical illness thing soon I'm gunna have it out with Him.  I don't see how its helping me or anyone else that I go thru these current experiences so it had better be helping someone somewhere somehow and I just cannot see it or I will be more angry than ever b4.  I refuse to go thru this kinda crap just for the fun of it... ya know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I better try to go down for a kitty nap cuz my head is not good.

Replies

okiyoe1
okiyoe1

I hear You Miss Terrie. Maybe tinker bell and the fairy dust regeneration project is it :)
I love you so much, I\'ll call tomorrow. Oh and visualize my hand ok I\'ll be there .
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m so sorry to hear of all you\'ve been going through. I\'ll be praying that you can have a sense of peace as you go through this surgery and that you have a complete recovery. Hang in there, my friend - and know that even if it doesn\'t feel like it right now, His love will never leave you.
lladyfairhair
lladyfairhair

Sometimes its just hard not to ask \"Hey, whats the lesson Im supposed to learn from all of this!\" Or \"IS there a lesson to this - am I helping someone?\"
I cant give any advise cause I dont really know myself. But I DO wonder- alot- about that.
I cant imagine what stress you are under right now. Hang in there- I will be thinking of you and soon we will be giving thanks to Him that everything went just fine. Then... maybe we can ask if you can have a healthy break for a--- long--long while!

BTW... if you use \"firefox\" ( I got so pissed off all the time about losing my posts- things I would write etc etc...) you can get stuff right back yay! Right click in the box that you are posting in (for example) or page you are writing on and it will bring up \"recover text\" and there ya go!
GTK
GTK

I am sorry you are facing this procedure... doesn\'t sound like my idea of fun either... but I\'m sure the doc wouldn\'t suggest it if he didn\'t think it was the right treatment and necessary at this point. If you are not convinced is it possible to put it off and get a second opinion? Just a thought.
I don\'t have an answer as to why sometimes good people get far more than their fair share of burdens. I don\'t go along with the common statement that God doesn\'t give more than a person can handle... I think lots of people face far more than they should ever be expected to cope with. I don\'t think it\'s fair... but I do think it\'s part of life. I guess I think differently to a lot of people because my idea of a higher power is different than that of a God who listens individually to us all and then decides that some people will have their burdens lifted and others just have to keep trudging on with no relief. I do believe that the universe can send us certain situations because there is a lesson we need to learn... but I also think we have a duty to try and bring about personal growth ourselves, and to keep striving to be better people... and I most certainly think that we reap as we sow... and we should always do unto others.
Anyway I\'m really sorry you are feeling so sick... and I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make you all better. I have a friend whose name is Fairy Sparkle... she spends her life visiting very sick kids in hospital and teaching them to have a positive mental attitude to help them get better. She has a little song \"The Well Song\" that she teaches them to sing and she tells them to sing it to themselves as many times a day as they can... and with the very sickest kids she rings them every night and they sing together over the phone. Some of those children do get well... even though the drs haven\'t given their parents much hope of that outcome. Her website is www.fairysparkle.com and if you go there and click on the Well Song bubble the words are there. I hope you will go there and learn the song and start singing yourself well... it is real fairy magic that works. While you are at the website have a look at the Gardens bubble... she has built Fairy Gardens at a number of kids hospitals here and I have spent many hours volunteering at the garden at Sydney Childrens Hospital... I also do a lot of decorating the garden characters (gnomes, fairies, animals etc) using paint and glitter... so they become special magic garden characters instead of being plain store bought ones. Well I\'m sure I\'ve quite worn you out by now with all my ramblings... sorry to go on so.
Know that I am thinking of you... and sending hugs and smiles and healing energy... take care... and keep singing... xxx